One year, that's how long it's been since I've updated. It's funny really :) I'm doing much better now. Much much better. I think I'm defiantly on the road to recovery... Have I told you about what I've been through? It's only been a year but a lot has happened already. But that's the past now. I understand that. That's why there's not point in talking about it again. I struggled, I strived and I made it. That's all that matters. I hope everyone's doing well. even though no one reads this probably. It's still good to let things out. A lot of things has happened and I've begun to find company in my books. They give me a place to go when I have no place to go. Did you understand that? You probably didn't. I should go now. Remember to never give up, even though I've got the permanent scars now, I'm still going on, still living my life. One day I know I will break, but for now I'll just enjoy it, enjoy what i have and be grateful :)
Thank you,
-A
Thursday, 8 August 2013
Friday, 6 July 2012
Saturday 7th July 2012
Hey guys, I know I haven't been writing on this blog for a while now.
Did you know on Tuesday 3rd of July 2012 there was an earthquake! It was 7.0 on the meter! That is really high! the one in Christchurch was 7.1!! So I was glad that the roof didn't fall in.
I went to an Sleepover yesterday to "" house with '""', we had fun but I feel like that "" is hanging out more with her other new friends now that she has started college. I miss the old her. We had fun,watched TV and had LOTS of junk food. The friend that was in America, she emailed me today and it seems she is doing well, I haven't emailed her for a while and she thought something was wrong, but no I just don't have much time.
I just can't believe that it is Sunday tomorrow!! This week has gone past sooo fast! Soon we will be back to school! I don't wanna!!!:( I hate school now! I use to love school! But no,... ALL my friends have moved to a different college and all so I don't get to see then often.
I did hang out with them on Monday and we took a LOT of photos! It was really fun, we tried on Clothes and danced on the street...Jokes,we would never be caught dead doing that. Anyway, one of my friends, I'll call her T, well she was suppose to met this guy as well and he tagged along but it was SOOO awkward! T was blushing hard out but then she txted him and told him to leave because she thinks he's ugly...I think he's pretty cute!
OMG OMG OMG ! This guy at Kumon it seems he's about to ask me out! I am excited and my friend told me he thinks I'm cute but... he's B.l.a.c.k. I don't wanna be racist but my parents would not allow that and neither would my friends, they will probably laugh at me or so, but if I say no..then I'm scared that it will ruin our friendship... no not gonna happen since he probably doesn't like me and wants me to say no.
Speaking of Kumon I will be doing my J test on Tuesday! Wish me luck! =)
xx
A
Did you know on Tuesday 3rd of July 2012 there was an earthquake! It was 7.0 on the meter! That is really high! the one in Christchurch was 7.1!! So I was glad that the roof didn't fall in.
I went to an Sleepover yesterday to "" house with '""', we had fun but I feel like that "" is hanging out more with her other new friends now that she has started college. I miss the old her. We had fun,watched TV and had LOTS of junk food. The friend that was in America, she emailed me today and it seems she is doing well, I haven't emailed her for a while and she thought something was wrong, but no I just don't have much time.
I just can't believe that it is Sunday tomorrow!! This week has gone past sooo fast! Soon we will be back to school! I don't wanna!!!:( I hate school now! I use to love school! But no,... ALL my friends have moved to a different college and all so I don't get to see then often.
I did hang out with them on Monday and we took a LOT of photos! It was really fun, we tried on Clothes and danced on the street...Jokes,we would never be caught dead doing that. Anyway, one of my friends, I'll call her T, well she was suppose to met this guy as well and he tagged along but it was SOOO awkward! T was blushing hard out but then she txted him and told him to leave because she thinks he's ugly...I think he's pretty cute!
OMG OMG OMG ! This guy at Kumon it seems he's about to ask me out! I am excited and my friend told me he thinks I'm cute but... he's B.l.a.c.k. I don't wanna be racist but my parents would not allow that and neither would my friends, they will probably laugh at me or so, but if I say no..then I'm scared that it will ruin our friendship... no not gonna happen since he probably doesn't like me and wants me to say no.
Speaking of Kumon I will be doing my J test on Tuesday! Wish me luck! =)
xx
A
Friday, 29 June 2012
Friday 29th June 2012
Hey guys I now I haven't updated for a while now.. yea yea.
Anyway, I am just gonna do an update on how it's been so far for me.
Well, first things first... ITS THE LAST DAY OF TERM 2! I just cant believe it! Time is moving on so fast! It just felt like I just started school yesterday! How is that even possible?! hehe, I have grown closer to my class and my friends and I have figured out a bit of my problems. I now understand.
To be happy I must be happy for who I am and what i have.
Though sometimes I still try to fit in, it's not happening frequently, but for some reason, I just want to like.. get close to them, their auras are just so..I don't even know how to explain it. You know, that proud, popular aura. I really do admire that, I just hate the fact that they act like total spoiled brats and bitches, except for one, but I hate her the most.. maybe because, she's so nice and pretty, that it just seems so unbelievable. That she is so... PERFECT. Maybe that's why I just hate her so much... mhm... who knows.
I really miss them already, especially our Tuakanas (big sisters) they're leaving to focus on their exams and such and today could be the last day we will get to see and chat with them for a while... They were the first people I talked to when I came to this school and they have been guiding me, no ALL of us in our new life. I will really miss them, WE had a shared Lunch today as well, and we did a really good clean up afterwards so we don't get told off again by and dean. The first time wasn't even our fault, it was those other stupid people (which i personally think have NOT matured enough). They had a shared lunch because it was one of their birthdays or something. sigh.
I'm still going to Kumon these days and I come home later then usual these days. It's just really hard being on J 181 AND for English I 141.
I miss the rest of the class already, Last term we haven't really grown close to each other so we haven't talked and all and we haven't really grew feelings for each other ( a good friend way k) but this term all of us have grown closer and we have talked and had fun together, we understand more of each other now too. I miss my form teacher also. She's been really nice to all of us and I will really miss her. She's really motherly too. *smile.
I can't believe this, I know I am from the nerdy normal group but.. I really wish I was popular again, I want my old friends with me even the boys. I really miss my old friends and teachers. I was walking past my old school one day and it felt like nothing changed yet...everything changed in every possible way. Nobody keeps in touch anymore we don't even see each other either.
We had our first dance too. On June the 19th. A lot of people went and it was a Where's Wally theme. I didn't go. I wanted to go and I wanted to have fun and stay up at night... but I know my parents won't let me. I don't even bother to ask them. It's just be another growling and all, they might think I'll be having sex with boys or something... All my old friends went. Well of course they went it was their first dance man! But no, I know my parents wont let me go, even if I ask.
My parents had a fight last night too. Dad slept on the couch. I hope everything is better now.
I have a netball game tomorrow too, but we are short on players- on is in Canada, One is going to a funeral, One has quit so yea! What are we going to do?! sigh.
I think that's all that has been happening. but i won't go into detail of those. I wish you guys all have a good holiday and have fun and keep safe! =)
xx
A
Anyway, I am just gonna do an update on how it's been so far for me.
Well, first things first... ITS THE LAST DAY OF TERM 2! I just cant believe it! Time is moving on so fast! It just felt like I just started school yesterday! How is that even possible?! hehe, I have grown closer to my class and my friends and I have figured out a bit of my problems. I now understand.
To be happy I must be happy for who I am and what i have.
Though sometimes I still try to fit in, it's not happening frequently, but for some reason, I just want to like.. get close to them, their auras are just so..I don't even know how to explain it. You know, that proud, popular aura. I really do admire that, I just hate the fact that they act like total spoiled brats and bitches, except for one, but I hate her the most.. maybe because, she's so nice and pretty, that it just seems so unbelievable. That she is so... PERFECT. Maybe that's why I just hate her so much... mhm... who knows.
I really miss them already, especially our Tuakanas (big sisters) they're leaving to focus on their exams and such and today could be the last day we will get to see and chat with them for a while... They were the first people I talked to when I came to this school and they have been guiding me, no ALL of us in our new life. I will really miss them, WE had a shared Lunch today as well, and we did a really good clean up afterwards so we don't get told off again by and dean. The first time wasn't even our fault, it was those other stupid people (which i personally think have NOT matured enough). They had a shared lunch because it was one of their birthdays or something. sigh.
I'm still going to Kumon these days and I come home later then usual these days. It's just really hard being on J 181 AND for English I 141.
I miss the rest of the class already, Last term we haven't really grown close to each other so we haven't talked and all and we haven't really grew feelings for each other ( a good friend way k) but this term all of us have grown closer and we have talked and had fun together, we understand more of each other now too. I miss my form teacher also. She's been really nice to all of us and I will really miss her. She's really motherly too. *smile.
I can't believe this, I know I am from the nerdy normal group but.. I really wish I was popular again, I want my old friends with me even the boys. I really miss my old friends and teachers. I was walking past my old school one day and it felt like nothing changed yet...everything changed in every possible way. Nobody keeps in touch anymore we don't even see each other either.
We had our first dance too. On June the 19th. A lot of people went and it was a Where's Wally theme. I didn't go. I wanted to go and I wanted to have fun and stay up at night... but I know my parents won't let me. I don't even bother to ask them. It's just be another growling and all, they might think I'll be having sex with boys or something... All my old friends went. Well of course they went it was their first dance man! But no, I know my parents wont let me go, even if I ask.
My parents had a fight last night too. Dad slept on the couch. I hope everything is better now.
I have a netball game tomorrow too, but we are short on players- on is in Canada, One is going to a funeral, One has quit so yea! What are we going to do?! sigh.
I think that's all that has been happening. but i won't go into detail of those. I wish you guys all have a good holiday and have fun and keep safe! =)
xx
A
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Help
I can't take it anymore...I am so tired, I can't take it...Everything just burst, everything is just so tiring. I...I don't know what to do, everything just burst, everything just exploded, What the hell happened? Everything that has been caged inside for so long has suddenly exploded. So much pain and hurt, in everything, every swallow, every blink, every movement. What happened? I know that there are still more things inside of me that is yet to explode, I know that what just happened now what only a fraction of what has been held inside, it was too long, everything was caged in so long. It was a mistake, none of that was suppose to come out, I was just so stressed with all the school work and social life that I...everything has came out without me knowing, none of it was suppose to come out. I just can't believe that I had held everything in for so long. I understand now what it means when people tell me not to put everything inside of me, not telling anymore but just keeping it in my heart. I just can't believe that I just...burst! It was painful, horrifying and terrible. Everything I blurted out every tear that dropped down my cheeks, it made me more terrified then ever, I didn't even understand myself that i have kept things in for so long. That I have been in pain so many times yet it just stayed in my heart, not telling anyone, just forever imprisoned til the day i burst. How is it even possible that things like that is..possible? A lot of times I tell myself that I had nothing left to complain about, yet right now my throat it's so dry with just the thought of that... myself close to tears again. I didn't even know myself that i had so many things that i was unhappy about, so many things that i have kept to myself, never telling, never complaining.
No one understands so I don't tell anyone, and I just wait...wait for my pain to build up again, wait til my life is so sorrowful I can't breathe, wait til my tears fall without permission wait til I can't see as the tears build up around my eyes, and slowly fall as I cry so hard I cannot breathe, wait til my heart hurts with every breathe and every move...
...wait til I burst once again...
No one understands so I don't tell anyone, and I just wait...wait for my pain to build up again, wait til my life is so sorrowful I can't breathe, wait til my tears fall without permission wait til I can't see as the tears build up around my eyes, and slowly fall as I cry so hard I cannot breathe, wait til my heart hurts with every breathe and every move...
...wait til I burst once again...
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Credit due...
Hey I would just like to say that all the things written in the blog "The truths" is not from me and I would like to give credit to Adam
Bautista. I have no idea who he is but I stumbled across his blog on
Tumblr and I would really like to share all his writing since he is
really skilled and gifted. I also thank him a lot... His writing really
gave me inspiration. And I hope one day I will look through these and
laugh to myself and say "Wow he is gifted, too bad he has helped me
through everything and I have no problems left for him to retell" I
really hope that one day that happens
xx A
xx A
Monday, 11 June 2012
Tuesday 12th June 2012
sigh, it's been so long since I have written now haven't I? It's just I'm so busy these days since i have like 3 projects due in the same week and I am working my ass off. And so I fell ill. Yes I have a cold and a sore throat. I didn't go to school today nor did I go to my after classes and I still have some homework from the after classes. I woke up at 6:45 today and I couldn't get back to sleep so I went to the living room and watched some drama and some TV til like 12 then I had some food and went back to sleep. God I felt terrible today. cuz I am the groups leader-ish for science so I hope they can manage. I must have missed out a lot too. Especially art, we were suppose to be painting today and that it was due in 2 weeks. God! I am so tired.
Then I logged on to facebook and found out that 'Lydia' had a fight with her slut. Yea shocking really...
Anyway I didn't mention the Big sing did I? It was such a success we did some head banging and it was just...AMAZING! =D
My friend has gone back to America for about 2weeks I think, by now. Miss her heaps already. Man, I am really starting to grow fond of my NEW friends. Really, I am actually...HAPPY now! That's a relief but I stil have problems including Parents, fitting in, and work! sigh, I miss my old life, but whats the point in thinking that? I'm never gonna be going back to the old times so i might as well face forward and confront my fears and grow up, I don't have a choice so...I might as well get started.
This girl she is really annoying and she keeps following me around too! I just can't keep up with her enthusiastic attitude! She talked too fast and talks too much! sigh. she starts with an M.
OMG on Thursday we have a half day because we are having an open evening, for the year 8, who are going to be year 9s next year. I can't believe time passes so fast! It just felt like that yesterday I just went to MY open evening! I just... I just really can't believe it.
sigh...I think that is all. SO thanks for reading again! =)
xx A
Then I logged on to facebook and found out that 'Lydia' had a fight with her slut. Yea shocking really...
Anyway I didn't mention the Big sing did I? It was such a success we did some head banging and it was just...AMAZING! =D
My friend has gone back to America for about 2weeks I think, by now. Miss her heaps already. Man, I am really starting to grow fond of my NEW friends. Really, I am actually...HAPPY now! That's a relief but I stil have problems including Parents, fitting in, and work! sigh, I miss my old life, but whats the point in thinking that? I'm never gonna be going back to the old times so i might as well face forward and confront my fears and grow up, I don't have a choice so...I might as well get started.
This girl she is really annoying and she keeps following me around too! I just can't keep up with her enthusiastic attitude! She talked too fast and talks too much! sigh. she starts with an M.
OMG on Thursday we have a half day because we are having an open evening, for the year 8, who are going to be year 9s next year. I can't believe time passes so fast! It just felt like that yesterday I just went to MY open evening! I just... I just really can't believe it.
sigh...I think that is all. SO thanks for reading again! =)
xx A
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Tumblr's secrets
I was on Tumblr today and I just couldn't believe what I saw. It was a follower but not just any follower, he/she had posts that got me crying again and again. I just couldn't believe my eyes,that their were actually other people who are feeling the same way I am.Maybe their are more I yet to discover. Their posts they were all so emotional and filled with feelings, they explained EVERYTHING I'm going through right now. I want to believe in myself, I want to believe what they said in their posts was true, I just need to be patient, that's all. I'm really thankful I found that blog...it was just such a mere coincidence...
or maybe it was just a little more...
I will never know.
xx A
==> http://aadambautistaa.tumblr.com/
or maybe it was just a little more...
I will never know.
xx A
==> http://aadambautistaa.tumblr.com/
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