Hey guys, I know I haven't been writing on this blog for a while now.
Did you know on Tuesday 3rd of July 2012 there was an earthquake! It was 7.0 on the meter! That is really high! the one in Christchurch was 7.1!! So I was glad that the roof didn't fall in.
I went to an Sleepover yesterday to "" house with '""', we had fun but I feel like that "" is hanging out more with her other new friends now that she has started college. I miss the old her. We had fun,watched TV and had LOTS of junk food. The friend that was in America, she emailed me today and it seems she is doing well, I haven't emailed her for a while and she thought something was wrong, but no I just don't have much time.
I just can't believe that it is Sunday tomorrow!! This week has gone past sooo fast! Soon we will be back to school! I don't wanna!!!:( I hate school now! I use to love school! But no,... ALL my friends have moved to a different college and all so I don't get to see then often.
I did hang out with them on Monday and we took a LOT of photos! It was really fun, we tried on Clothes and danced on the street...Jokes,we would never be caught dead doing that. Anyway, one of my friends, I'll call her T, well she was suppose to met this guy as well and he tagged along but it was SOOO awkward! T was blushing hard out but then she txted him and told him to leave because she thinks he's ugly...I think he's pretty cute!
OMG OMG OMG ! This guy at Kumon it seems he's about to ask me out! I am excited and my friend told me he thinks I'm cute but... he's B.l.a.c.k. I don't wanna be racist but my parents would not allow that and neither would my friends, they will probably laugh at me or so, but if I say no..then I'm scared that it will ruin our friendship... no not gonna happen since he probably doesn't like me and wants me to say no.
Speaking of Kumon I will be doing my J test on Tuesday! Wish me luck! =)
xx
A
Friday, 6 July 2012
Friday, 29 June 2012
Friday 29th June 2012
Hey guys I now I haven't updated for a while now.. yea yea.
Anyway, I am just gonna do an update on how it's been so far for me.
Well, first things first... ITS THE LAST DAY OF TERM 2! I just cant believe it! Time is moving on so fast! It just felt like I just started school yesterday! How is that even possible?! hehe, I have grown closer to my class and my friends and I have figured out a bit of my problems. I now understand.
To be happy I must be happy for who I am and what i have.
Though sometimes I still try to fit in, it's not happening frequently, but for some reason, I just want to like.. get close to them, their auras are just so..I don't even know how to explain it. You know, that proud, popular aura. I really do admire that, I just hate the fact that they act like total spoiled brats and bitches, except for one, but I hate her the most.. maybe because, she's so nice and pretty, that it just seems so unbelievable. That she is so... PERFECT. Maybe that's why I just hate her so much... mhm... who knows.
I really miss them already, especially our Tuakanas (big sisters) they're leaving to focus on their exams and such and today could be the last day we will get to see and chat with them for a while... They were the first people I talked to when I came to this school and they have been guiding me, no ALL of us in our new life. I will really miss them, WE had a shared Lunch today as well, and we did a really good clean up afterwards so we don't get told off again by and dean. The first time wasn't even our fault, it was those other stupid people (which i personally think have NOT matured enough). They had a shared lunch because it was one of their birthdays or something. sigh.
I'm still going to Kumon these days and I come home later then usual these days. It's just really hard being on J 181 AND for English I 141.
I miss the rest of the class already, Last term we haven't really grown close to each other so we haven't talked and all and we haven't really grew feelings for each other ( a good friend way k) but this term all of us have grown closer and we have talked and had fun together, we understand more of each other now too. I miss my form teacher also. She's been really nice to all of us and I will really miss her. She's really motherly too. *smile.
I can't believe this, I know I am from the nerdy normal group but.. I really wish I was popular again, I want my old friends with me even the boys. I really miss my old friends and teachers. I was walking past my old school one day and it felt like nothing changed yet...everything changed in every possible way. Nobody keeps in touch anymore we don't even see each other either.
We had our first dance too. On June the 19th. A lot of people went and it was a Where's Wally theme. I didn't go. I wanted to go and I wanted to have fun and stay up at night... but I know my parents won't let me. I don't even bother to ask them. It's just be another growling and all, they might think I'll be having sex with boys or something... All my old friends went. Well of course they went it was their first dance man! But no, I know my parents wont let me go, even if I ask.
My parents had a fight last night too. Dad slept on the couch. I hope everything is better now.
I have a netball game tomorrow too, but we are short on players- on is in Canada, One is going to a funeral, One has quit so yea! What are we going to do?! sigh.
I think that's all that has been happening. but i won't go into detail of those. I wish you guys all have a good holiday and have fun and keep safe! =)
xx
A
Anyway, I am just gonna do an update on how it's been so far for me.
Well, first things first... ITS THE LAST DAY OF TERM 2! I just cant believe it! Time is moving on so fast! It just felt like I just started school yesterday! How is that even possible?! hehe, I have grown closer to my class and my friends and I have figured out a bit of my problems. I now understand.
To be happy I must be happy for who I am and what i have.
Though sometimes I still try to fit in, it's not happening frequently, but for some reason, I just want to like.. get close to them, their auras are just so..I don't even know how to explain it. You know, that proud, popular aura. I really do admire that, I just hate the fact that they act like total spoiled brats and bitches, except for one, but I hate her the most.. maybe because, she's so nice and pretty, that it just seems so unbelievable. That she is so... PERFECT. Maybe that's why I just hate her so much... mhm... who knows.
I really miss them already, especially our Tuakanas (big sisters) they're leaving to focus on their exams and such and today could be the last day we will get to see and chat with them for a while... They were the first people I talked to when I came to this school and they have been guiding me, no ALL of us in our new life. I will really miss them, WE had a shared Lunch today as well, and we did a really good clean up afterwards so we don't get told off again by and dean. The first time wasn't even our fault, it was those other stupid people (which i personally think have NOT matured enough). They had a shared lunch because it was one of their birthdays or something. sigh.
I'm still going to Kumon these days and I come home later then usual these days. It's just really hard being on J 181 AND for English I 141.
I miss the rest of the class already, Last term we haven't really grown close to each other so we haven't talked and all and we haven't really grew feelings for each other ( a good friend way k) but this term all of us have grown closer and we have talked and had fun together, we understand more of each other now too. I miss my form teacher also. She's been really nice to all of us and I will really miss her. She's really motherly too. *smile.
I can't believe this, I know I am from the nerdy normal group but.. I really wish I was popular again, I want my old friends with me even the boys. I really miss my old friends and teachers. I was walking past my old school one day and it felt like nothing changed yet...everything changed in every possible way. Nobody keeps in touch anymore we don't even see each other either.
We had our first dance too. On June the 19th. A lot of people went and it was a Where's Wally theme. I didn't go. I wanted to go and I wanted to have fun and stay up at night... but I know my parents won't let me. I don't even bother to ask them. It's just be another growling and all, they might think I'll be having sex with boys or something... All my old friends went. Well of course they went it was their first dance man! But no, I know my parents wont let me go, even if I ask.
My parents had a fight last night too. Dad slept on the couch. I hope everything is better now.
I have a netball game tomorrow too, but we are short on players- on is in Canada, One is going to a funeral, One has quit so yea! What are we going to do?! sigh.
I think that's all that has been happening. but i won't go into detail of those. I wish you guys all have a good holiday and have fun and keep safe! =)
xx
A
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Help
I can't take it anymore...I am so tired, I can't take it...Everything just burst, everything is just so tiring. I...I don't know what to do, everything just burst, everything just exploded, What the hell happened? Everything that has been caged inside for so long has suddenly exploded. So much pain and hurt, in everything, every swallow, every blink, every movement. What happened? I know that there are still more things inside of me that is yet to explode, I know that what just happened now what only a fraction of what has been held inside, it was too long, everything was caged in so long. It was a mistake, none of that was suppose to come out, I was just so stressed with all the school work and social life that I...everything has came out without me knowing, none of it was suppose to come out. I just can't believe that I had held everything in for so long. I understand now what it means when people tell me not to put everything inside of me, not telling anymore but just keeping it in my heart. I just can't believe that I just...burst! It was painful, horrifying and terrible. Everything I blurted out every tear that dropped down my cheeks, it made me more terrified then ever, I didn't even understand myself that i have kept things in for so long. That I have been in pain so many times yet it just stayed in my heart, not telling anyone, just forever imprisoned til the day i burst. How is it even possible that things like that is..possible? A lot of times I tell myself that I had nothing left to complain about, yet right now my throat it's so dry with just the thought of that... myself close to tears again. I didn't even know myself that i had so many things that i was unhappy about, so many things that i have kept to myself, never telling, never complaining.
No one understands so I don't tell anyone, and I just wait...wait for my pain to build up again, wait til my life is so sorrowful I can't breathe, wait til my tears fall without permission wait til I can't see as the tears build up around my eyes, and slowly fall as I cry so hard I cannot breathe, wait til my heart hurts with every breathe and every move...
...wait til I burst once again...
No one understands so I don't tell anyone, and I just wait...wait for my pain to build up again, wait til my life is so sorrowful I can't breathe, wait til my tears fall without permission wait til I can't see as the tears build up around my eyes, and slowly fall as I cry so hard I cannot breathe, wait til my heart hurts with every breathe and every move...
...wait til I burst once again...
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Credit due...
Hey I would just like to say that all the things written in the blog "The truths" is not from me and I would like to give credit to Adam
Bautista. I have no idea who he is but I stumbled across his blog on
Tumblr and I would really like to share all his writing since he is
really skilled and gifted. I also thank him a lot... His writing really
gave me inspiration. And I hope one day I will look through these and
laugh to myself and say "Wow he is gifted, too bad he has helped me
through everything and I have no problems left for him to retell" I
really hope that one day that happens
xx A
xx A
Monday, 11 June 2012
Tuesday 12th June 2012
sigh, it's been so long since I have written now haven't I? It's just I'm so busy these days since i have like 3 projects due in the same week and I am working my ass off. And so I fell ill. Yes I have a cold and a sore throat. I didn't go to school today nor did I go to my after classes and I still have some homework from the after classes. I woke up at 6:45 today and I couldn't get back to sleep so I went to the living room and watched some drama and some TV til like 12 then I had some food and went back to sleep. God I felt terrible today. cuz I am the groups leader-ish for science so I hope they can manage. I must have missed out a lot too. Especially art, we were suppose to be painting today and that it was due in 2 weeks. God! I am so tired.
Then I logged on to facebook and found out that 'Lydia' had a fight with her slut. Yea shocking really...
Anyway I didn't mention the Big sing did I? It was such a success we did some head banging and it was just...AMAZING! =D
My friend has gone back to America for about 2weeks I think, by now. Miss her heaps already. Man, I am really starting to grow fond of my NEW friends. Really, I am actually...HAPPY now! That's a relief but I stil have problems including Parents, fitting in, and work! sigh, I miss my old life, but whats the point in thinking that? I'm never gonna be going back to the old times so i might as well face forward and confront my fears and grow up, I don't have a choice so...I might as well get started.
This girl she is really annoying and she keeps following me around too! I just can't keep up with her enthusiastic attitude! She talked too fast and talks too much! sigh. she starts with an M.
OMG on Thursday we have a half day because we are having an open evening, for the year 8, who are going to be year 9s next year. I can't believe time passes so fast! It just felt like that yesterday I just went to MY open evening! I just... I just really can't believe it.
sigh...I think that is all. SO thanks for reading again! =)
xx A
Then I logged on to facebook and found out that 'Lydia' had a fight with her slut. Yea shocking really...
Anyway I didn't mention the Big sing did I? It was such a success we did some head banging and it was just...AMAZING! =D
My friend has gone back to America for about 2weeks I think, by now. Miss her heaps already. Man, I am really starting to grow fond of my NEW friends. Really, I am actually...HAPPY now! That's a relief but I stil have problems including Parents, fitting in, and work! sigh, I miss my old life, but whats the point in thinking that? I'm never gonna be going back to the old times so i might as well face forward and confront my fears and grow up, I don't have a choice so...I might as well get started.
This girl she is really annoying and she keeps following me around too! I just can't keep up with her enthusiastic attitude! She talked too fast and talks too much! sigh. she starts with an M.
OMG on Thursday we have a half day because we are having an open evening, for the year 8, who are going to be year 9s next year. I can't believe time passes so fast! It just felt like that yesterday I just went to MY open evening! I just... I just really can't believe it.
sigh...I think that is all. SO thanks for reading again! =)
xx A
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Tumblr's secrets
I was on Tumblr today and I just couldn't believe what I saw. It was a follower but not just any follower, he/she had posts that got me crying again and again. I just couldn't believe my eyes,that their were actually other people who are feeling the same way I am.Maybe their are more I yet to discover. Their posts they were all so emotional and filled with feelings, they explained EVERYTHING I'm going through right now. I want to believe in myself, I want to believe what they said in their posts was true, I just need to be patient, that's all. I'm really thankful I found that blog...it was just such a mere coincidence...
or maybe it was just a little more...
I will never know.
xx A
==> http://aadambautistaa.tumblr.com/
or maybe it was just a little more...
I will never know.
xx A
==> http://aadambautistaa.tumblr.com/
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Sunday 3rd June 2012
Hey!!!
Today me and one of my old friends, we went to the movies to watch this movie called the Avengers.She treated me. It was soooo cool!!!! With so much action and things! It's about some of the superheros joining forces and help defeat the bad guy from outer space!! It had Iron Man, Captain America, The incredible Hulk, some girl called Natasha who was really good with guns and is very very flexible and is good at fighting, A guy who had bomb arrows, Thor and yeah. It was just so amazing especially when they were in the fight with the stance of them all together ready to fight and the music was good help too!It was also very funny! It was just so amazing, but if that really happened to us in the real world...man! I'll be dead in seconds! =D
Anyway when we were looking for our seats our number were 10 and 11 in the J row, well I decided to sit in number 10 and my friend in number nine because there was this other guy in number 12 so she didn't want to go sit there, but when the movie was about to start, this bitch with her bastard of a son came and told us to move because we were in her seats, well at first they didn't know and were still looking for their seats and asking people to seat their seat number why can't they just sit somewhere else? It's not really a big deal ya know! There were some spare seats in the row in front why can't you just sit there?! Jesus! You just HAD to find your original seat and embarrass us like that! Motherfucker! Your not the boss! And your son is an ass! Ya know that man!
sigh...anyway now that;s clear and out of my system, today was an pretty ok day just that I was suppose to go to the library and check out my reserved books as well as return my nearly overdue books and damn the library was closed so I couldn't...Let's hope I don't have a fine.
O...K I think that's it for today. Tomorrow we don't have school either because it's the Queens's birthday. Yay! But the library is closed...Damn! Also I hope my dad goes to work tomorrow because I seriously don't like him at home I say he should go to work now but I think ti's his day off or something...It's just that when he is home I can't go on YouTube and that is where I go on most of the time but he says it wastes us G.B's even though her watched videos all the time...sigh.
Well, that's it, Thank you for reading my blog again and have a good night!
=D
x A
Today me and one of my old friends, we went to the movies to watch this movie called the Avengers.She treated me. It was soooo cool!!!! With so much action and things! It's about some of the superheros joining forces and help defeat the bad guy from outer space!! It had Iron Man, Captain America, The incredible Hulk, some girl called Natasha who was really good with guns and is very very flexible and is good at fighting, A guy who had bomb arrows, Thor and yeah. It was just so amazing especially when they were in the fight with the stance of them all together ready to fight and the music was good help too!It was also very funny! It was just so amazing, but if that really happened to us in the real world...man! I'll be dead in seconds! =D
Anyway when we were looking for our seats our number were 10 and 11 in the J row, well I decided to sit in number 10 and my friend in number nine because there was this other guy in number 12 so she didn't want to go sit there, but when the movie was about to start, this bitch with her bastard of a son came and told us to move because we were in her seats, well at first they didn't know and were still looking for their seats and asking people to seat their seat number why can't they just sit somewhere else? It's not really a big deal ya know! There were some spare seats in the row in front why can't you just sit there?! Jesus! You just HAD to find your original seat and embarrass us like that! Motherfucker! Your not the boss! And your son is an ass! Ya know that man!
sigh...anyway now that;s clear and out of my system, today was an pretty ok day just that I was suppose to go to the library and check out my reserved books as well as return my nearly overdue books and damn the library was closed so I couldn't...Let's hope I don't have a fine.
O...K I think that's it for today. Tomorrow we don't have school either because it's the Queens's birthday. Yay! But the library is closed...Damn! Also I hope my dad goes to work tomorrow because I seriously don't like him at home I say he should go to work now but I think ti's his day off or something...It's just that when he is home I can't go on YouTube and that is where I go on most of the time but he says it wastes us G.B's even though her watched videos all the time...sigh.
Well, that's it, Thank you for reading my blog again and have a good night!
=D
Friday, 1 June 2012
A dream or a living nightmare
I adore her, I really do, how she can just wear and say anything she wants. How she can just forgive and smile like nothing has really happened, how she can make friends that won't back stab her and gossip about her, friends that won't let her down and will include her in everything. I ENVY her...how her life is perfect, how her life was exactly the same as mine was 5 years ago...she was the one that was supposed to be suffering from pain, the ugly one, the unpopular one, the stupid one, she was suppose to be the one that was hurting everyday, the poor one...but how come everything became the opposite? She took everything from me. My life WAS perfect,like the way her life is now, but how come now...It's the complete opposite, even though we were BEST FRIENDS...
How can my life turn upside down...turn fake and painful...how can it turn into something so...so impossible?! How can she have such a perfect life? I don't get it! I really don't! Just what happened? Have I been in an unreal dream for all those years or...am I just living a total...
nightmare...
xx A
How can my life turn upside down...turn fake and painful...how can it turn into something so...so impossible?! How can she have such a perfect life? I don't get it! I really don't! Just what happened? Have I been in an unreal dream for all those years or...am I just living a total...
nightmare...
xx A
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Music in the air
xx A
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Wednesday 30th of May 2012
Hey long time no see!!!! School is going...just a little bit under great. We have holidays on Friday because it's teacher only day and the school is closed on Monday since it's the Queen's birthday! Yay 4 day weekend!
Stuff at school have been ok, but ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well it seems like someone asked her out and she went on and on about it...I don't get it why would anyone ask her out??I mean I'm better then her taller then her and smarter then her but how come that guy asked her out?! Well, maybe it's because of the girls she's hanging out with these days. They are like sluts. I mean who wants to have sex at the age of 14? Seriously. How can she be friends with these people?!! My first friend...well, she's going to be going back to America California! Cool aye?! She will be gone for about 7 weeks, so I will miss her heaps!!! She was my first friend at this new school...
Anyway, today we had a late start. We always have late starts on Wednesday. Anyway well, me and some other old friends visited our old school. OMG everything has changed so much. I always wondered how it would feel like to not be a part of the class but come back and wear another schools uniform. To tell them how my old school has been and to know that everyone fusses over you because they haven't seen you in such a long time. Lot's of hugs too. I really really miss them. Ok, that was not the point, the point was that one of my old friends saw that my skirt was a bit higher then last term or so, and she was like making mean humour and mean jokes about. I get it ok! My skirt is really short but I don't fit in and this is the only way to fit in! Can you not see that?! But I guess she was right, last term my skirt was way longer then it is now. So I adjusted it. But she had to say it in front of 'Lydia'. I lost so much face today, if you know what i mean. I really miss my old life a lot. Maybe I just have to just be myself and that's all right. I need to be myself. I want to.
I don't have my netball game on Saturday but I will be going to the movies with my friend. She's treating me since she has the free movie tickets. Yay! I wonder what i should wear. I always worry about this just in case I bump into someone I know I want to show off and all but...why, is this really necessary? I really should just be myself.
xx A
Stuff at school have been ok, but ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well it seems like someone asked her out and she went on and on about it...I don't get it why would anyone ask her out??I mean I'm better then her taller then her and smarter then her but how come that guy asked her out?! Well, maybe it's because of the girls she's hanging out with these days. They are like sluts. I mean who wants to have sex at the age of 14? Seriously. How can she be friends with these people?!! My first friend...well, she's going to be going back to America California! Cool aye?! She will be gone for about 7 weeks, so I will miss her heaps!!! She was my first friend at this new school...
Anyway, today we had a late start. We always have late starts on Wednesday. Anyway well, me and some other old friends visited our old school. OMG everything has changed so much. I always wondered how it would feel like to not be a part of the class but come back and wear another schools uniform. To tell them how my old school has been and to know that everyone fusses over you because they haven't seen you in such a long time. Lot's of hugs too. I really really miss them. Ok, that was not the point, the point was that one of my old friends saw that my skirt was a bit higher then last term or so, and she was like making mean humour and mean jokes about. I get it ok! My skirt is really short but I don't fit in and this is the only way to fit in! Can you not see that?! But I guess she was right, last term my skirt was way longer then it is now. So I adjusted it. But she had to say it in front of 'Lydia'. I lost so much face today, if you know what i mean. I really miss my old life a lot. Maybe I just have to just be myself and that's all right. I need to be myself. I want to.
I don't have my netball game on Saturday but I will be going to the movies with my friend. She's treating me since she has the free movie tickets. Yay! I wonder what i should wear. I always worry about this just in case I bump into someone I know I want to show off and all but...why, is this really necessary? I really should just be myself.
xx A
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Monday, 21 May 2012
Monday 21st May 2012
Hi everybody, I know I haven't been writing for a while and I was just wondering...do you think I'm making this all up?? Do you think all the posts I have put up are lies? Because if you are well, your wrong.These are all true facts and feelings and are all based on real life events...(I sound like an author in a book...)I won't be putting up real names so you know, just in case, and please I welcome all comments and questions if you have any. =)
Anyway, school has been good these days, I am more happier then in the earlier of the year. One of my friends...( Allina ) Well she will be going back to America on June the 6th or was it the 7th...or 5th...I can't remember but I will MISS her heaps since she was the first person and friend I have made at this new school.First Friend! =D Anyway...she will be gone for like...7 weeks and i don't know if i can survive school without her...Let's hope I will.
I also have this other friend...(Mikay) and not everybody likes her and all but in my opinion she is a great friend and she has a very bright attitude but...I'm scared if I talk to her, other girls those popular wannabes (and even though they are wannabes, everybody looks up to them) might think I'm a loser as well. And I don't want that. So what can I do?!
I'm making more friends as days go on but...My other old friends they get to visit our old school , just the two of them, and they get to see them!! which is so not fair,I mean I'm good but I don't get to see them and get chosen to go back! Why that is NOT fair!
And also my homework is like piling up and well..I seriously cannot keep up much!
Just this morning I accidentally said bloody cold to one of my friends and well, the teacher made a big thing out of it and the class kinda laughed.sigh.I have a lot more to talk about, but maybe another day, because you know...I don't wanna whisper too many secrets at once.
xx A
Anyway, school has been good these days, I am more happier then in the earlier of the year. One of my friends...( Allina ) Well she will be going back to America on June the 6th or was it the 7th...or 5th...I can't remember but I will MISS her heaps since she was the first person and friend I have made at this new school.First Friend! =D Anyway...she will be gone for like...7 weeks and i don't know if i can survive school without her...Let's hope I will.
I also have this other friend...(Mikay) and not everybody likes her and all but in my opinion she is a great friend and she has a very bright attitude but...I'm scared if I talk to her, other girls those popular wannabes (and even though they are wannabes, everybody looks up to them) might think I'm a loser as well. And I don't want that. So what can I do?!
I'm making more friends as days go on but...My other old friends they get to visit our old school , just the two of them, and they get to see them!! which is so not fair,I mean I'm good but I don't get to see them and get chosen to go back! Why that is NOT fair!
And also my homework is like piling up and well..I seriously cannot keep up much!
Just this morning I accidentally said bloody cold to one of my friends and well, the teacher made a big thing out of it and the class kinda laughed.sigh.I have a lot more to talk about, but maybe another day, because you know...I don't wanna whisper too many secrets at once.
xx A
My deeper secrets-It's driving me insane...
What happened?
I don't know, I really had no idea what happened.One moment I was walking home from school chatting and laughing along side with my friends the next moment I get home and come upstairs to my room, My face is wet with tears and my throat is all dried up and it hurts like hell! Like I was putting up a facade all this time. My parents were down stairs,well I...I had...I had this mental breakdown.
What happened?
I don't remember much, it all happened all too fast. I didn't get it. I was sobbing my heart out all of a sudden. I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't want to cry but..why didn't the tears stop? They just kept flowing down and down. My eyes were bright red an dmy nose was runny.Why did I just suddenly...
Something is not right. I feel everything has already changed, I know it has becaus emy chest feels lighter everyday and I'm laughing alongside my friends everyday.Why did I just sudden;y burst out crying? WHY!
I thought eerything was happy again the way it to be, everything would be perfect, but I guess...nothing can really go back to the way it was.huh.
I need to let it out otherwise...it'll drive me...
insane
x
A
I don't know, I really had no idea what happened.One moment I was walking home from school chatting and laughing along side with my friends the next moment I get home and come upstairs to my room, My face is wet with tears and my throat is all dried up and it hurts like hell! Like I was putting up a facade all this time. My parents were down stairs,well I...I had...I had this mental breakdown.
What happened?
I don't remember much, it all happened all too fast. I didn't get it. I was sobbing my heart out all of a sudden. I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't want to cry but..why didn't the tears stop? They just kept flowing down and down. My eyes were bright red an dmy nose was runny.Why did I just suddenly...
Something is not right. I feel everything has already changed, I know it has becaus emy chest feels lighter everyday and I'm laughing alongside my friends everyday.Why did I just sudden;y burst out crying? WHY!
I thought eerything was happy again the way it to be, everything would be perfect, but I guess...nothing can really go back to the way it was.huh.
I need to let it out otherwise...it'll drive me...
insane
x
A
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Wednesday 16th May 2012
Hi everyone,it's been a while now hasn't it =)
Today at school this woman came in talking to us about attitude-friendship topic basically. She went on about what types of friends there are and what type of friends we should have. The way we should be treating our friends and what a REAL friend would look like...meaning not EVER leaving them out. This presentation made me think a lot of things. It made me think about my relation with Lydia and my other so called 'friends'. There were also times when she talked about how we are treating our friends and what NOT to do. I have made progress I would think. I actually started to treat these people my friends but...The lady also said the key point in making TRUE friends was being yourself and when you are not yourself, you are a...FAKE. I was really interested with what she was saying today. I felt like there were actually people who understand and can help me. ewwww!! That sounds so...cheesy. But she was right, I felt like I wasn't being myself in this new school and I felt like I was doing everything I can just to fit in.She told me fitting in would make you do lot's of crazy things, and I really believe her, at the start of the term I thought the friends have now, they were dorks and crap, and so I went through my absolute best just to fit in with the populars,the wannabes.I wanted to be popular and happy but fitting in was maybe throughout my whole life the most hardest thing I have ever tried. I realized that my good friends now, they were the ones that are making me happy,they are the ones I would be laughing with in 2 years time probably.I realized that fitting in was not everything, popularity was just a drug, eating you alive.Yet for some reason I still am pretending, I am still not myself and I can feel it. I just can. I want to change, that is why I will do my best this year,I defiantly will!I do get along with everyone in my class though I sometimes still have that aching feeling that i could have done better with friendship but I am someone that does not fit in, someone that doesn't really belong yet tries, because...Why try to fit in when I was born to stand out?
Also Lydia is trying to befriend me again, I wonder if it's because she is pretending and is tired she wants to become someone TRUE again. Maybe just maybe it's true, maybe she is feeling like she needs a break from all the acting. Who knows.
xx A
Today at school this woman came in talking to us about attitude-friendship topic basically. She went on about what types of friends there are and what type of friends we should have. The way we should be treating our friends and what a REAL friend would look like...meaning not EVER leaving them out. This presentation made me think a lot of things. It made me think about my relation with Lydia and my other so called 'friends'. There were also times when she talked about how we are treating our friends and what NOT to do. I have made progress I would think. I actually started to treat these people my friends but...The lady also said the key point in making TRUE friends was being yourself and when you are not yourself, you are a...FAKE. I was really interested with what she was saying today. I felt like there were actually people who understand and can help me. ewwww!! That sounds so...cheesy. But she was right, I felt like I wasn't being myself in this new school and I felt like I was doing everything I can just to fit in.She told me fitting in would make you do lot's of crazy things, and I really believe her, at the start of the term I thought the friends have now, they were dorks and crap, and so I went through my absolute best just to fit in with the populars,the wannabes.I wanted to be popular and happy but fitting in was maybe throughout my whole life the most hardest thing I have ever tried. I realized that my good friends now, they were the ones that are making me happy,they are the ones I would be laughing with in 2 years time probably.I realized that fitting in was not everything, popularity was just a drug, eating you alive.Yet for some reason I still am pretending, I am still not myself and I can feel it. I just can. I want to change, that is why I will do my best this year,I defiantly will!I do get along with everyone in my class though I sometimes still have that aching feeling that i could have done better with friendship but I am someone that does not fit in, someone that doesn't really belong yet tries, because...Why try to fit in when I was born to stand out?
Also Lydia is trying to befriend me again, I wonder if it's because she is pretending and is tired she wants to become someone TRUE again. Maybe just maybe it's true, maybe she is feeling like she needs a break from all the acting. Who knows.
xx A
Sunday, 13 May 2012
The secrets of fitting in-popularity
Today, I lost a very dear friend of mine to something that would eat her
alive…Popularity.She’s trying to fit in with the girls she said she’d
never be like.She’s not funny anymore she’s mean! She thinks she’s the
boss and listens only to her other crew.She is menacing and scary now!
She use to be kind and thoughtful but I guess popularity ate her alive.I
really want the old her back.She’s only ever hanging out with her other
friends now and not her old.She is only her when we are alone…I don’t
like her anymore.She’s turned into something that is eating her.changing
her.turning her into someone…a bitch.We made plans about a month ago to
go to the movies and to visit our old primary school as well as visit
the fair but…She stood me up.She said she was not going to the fair and
hanging out at this other girls place.She said she was going with that
other girl to the movies with her boyfriends and co-. She said she
wanted to bring her ‘friends’ to our old school and show her around.I
finally found the courage to say she was changing, She then turned round
and said I was changing too! But I wasn’t, it was her.I feel really sad
now.She said that her ‘other’ friends didn’t like the jokes she made to
her old friends.So she stopped.She said they didn’t like the way she
was dressed so she changed.She hangs out with them all the time now.I
really miss her.I want her to come back.Because popularity is eating her
alive…She only listens to her other friends now. Only. It’s changing
her,trying to fit in, popularity is changing her…And maybe, just maybe she’s
changing me too…
Saturday, 12 May 2012
The secret of my dreams
I don't get it! Why did I have that in my head,why did I have that dream?! It was so strange, I must have been thinking about that book I have just finished reading. Or maybe it's about my school life or maybe it's a...sign.
I just didn't get it! Why? why? I ran away from school...but it wasn't my school I think, or was it?I can't remember. I ran away I met new friends and new enemies. Those new friends got captured by those enemies. It was a boy. 2 boys and a girl? I protected them and ran away, it felt like I was running in circles around a certain house I think, I ran away for a long time. I even remember asking myself if I was dreaming or not. It felt so real. Soon I got captured, It felt like days but ti has only been one night,When i got back to the academy? Everybody eyes were on me. My new classmates at my real new school. My friends. They were looking down on me. Like I could never return the peace back til when we had a normal life.It felt like that, it really did. The feeling of loneliness overwhelming me.We were at assembly now, everybody looking at me. Shocked, scared, disappointment. I saw a classmate of mine...(her name is gonna be Mills)...Mills. She was holding a pair of my old shorts. Grey/olive. I think I stayed at that academy or school, my new suitcase. Mills was saying it was hers. NO! it's mine! I'm walking along the hallway now, people's eyes were staring at me.(Lilian) Lilian, one of my new friends at this school, I smiled at her, she didn't smile back. Se just simply walked pass as if I was a disappointment to them all. I them walked pass one of my very good friend.(Divvie) Divvie.I smiled at her, she smiled back but looked away quickly and walked off. Then Another girl was holding onto one of my clothing, but why?! Everybody looked down on me. Is it wrong to run away?
Is it what i really want?
This really sounds like a story now doesn't it? Yes, it does...but it's not. I had this dream, and I don't know why.
It could be because of my fears, or of my new school and I feel sad or something.It may even be a sign.I might find out today, or I might find out tomorrow or the next day or...never.But even though, one thing is for sure, I will never really know the secrets to this dream.
I just didn't get it! Why? why? I ran away from school...but it wasn't my school I think, or was it?I can't remember. I ran away I met new friends and new enemies. Those new friends got captured by those enemies. It was a boy. 2 boys and a girl? I protected them and ran away, it felt like I was running in circles around a certain house I think, I ran away for a long time. I even remember asking myself if I was dreaming or not. It felt so real. Soon I got captured, It felt like days but ti has only been one night,When i got back to the academy? Everybody eyes were on me. My new classmates at my real new school. My friends. They were looking down on me. Like I could never return the peace back til when we had a normal life.It felt like that, it really did. The feeling of loneliness overwhelming me.We were at assembly now, everybody looking at me. Shocked, scared, disappointment. I saw a classmate of mine...(her name is gonna be Mills)...Mills. She was holding a pair of my old shorts. Grey/olive. I think I stayed at that academy or school, my new suitcase. Mills was saying it was hers. NO! it's mine! I'm walking along the hallway now, people's eyes were staring at me.(Lilian) Lilian, one of my new friends at this school, I smiled at her, she didn't smile back. Se just simply walked pass as if I was a disappointment to them all. I them walked pass one of my very good friend.(Divvie) Divvie.I smiled at her, she smiled back but looked away quickly and walked off. Then Another girl was holding onto one of my clothing, but why?! Everybody looked down on me. Is it wrong to run away?
Is it what i really want?
This really sounds like a story now doesn't it? Yes, it does...but it's not. I had this dream, and I don't know why.
It could be because of my fears, or of my new school and I feel sad or something.It may even be a sign.I might find out today, or I might find out tomorrow or the next day or...never.But even though, one thing is for sure, I will never really know the secrets to this dream.
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Friday 11th May 2012
Oh ,god... I feel so tried and sick right now!
I was starting to feel sick yesterday night but I thought I would get over it but when I arrived in class his morning I felt like I was gonna faint any moment! And plus today was the day I had after classes so that didn't help.
Yesterday I received a award for 100% attendance and when I got up in front of the stage wow! So many people were staring at me and I swear I was gonna go red! One of my other friends also got an award but it was also her birthday that day so the whole school sang her ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' LOL! Now wouldn't that be embarrassing! Lucky it wasn't me!
Also have I told you that i have lost my tie and luckily I found it yesterday! My other friend accidentally put it in her bag when we were getting dresses after PE.
I also lost the school library books! OMG that is really really bad and I really need to get them back before June the 1st! OTHERWISE i will have to own them the fine! That is NOT good! :(
I really need to help find it my parents are no help and I have already looked through the whole house already and practically turned it upside down but I still couldn't find it I probably have to look for it at school or something! Please God help me I really need to find it I want to help my family save money! Please!!!
Speaking of money I am doing the 40 hr famine like I said before and I will be doing the no technology one but I haven't got any sponsors yet and THAT is bad I really need to try my best and get myself some sponsors!
My friend(Let's call her Miya) wanted to go to the movies an she said she will treat me so I accepted it's the hunger games and I have already seen it but...no matter what it's still a free movie! =D
Oh, god I really need to find those books and I really need to do something for mother's day that is on Sunday!!! Happy mother's day mum! =) and I am feeling really really really sick and tired AND I have my netball game tomorrow! Please let me feel better and let me find the library books! Please!
xx
-A
I was starting to feel sick yesterday night but I thought I would get over it but when I arrived in class his morning I felt like I was gonna faint any moment! And plus today was the day I had after classes so that didn't help.
Yesterday I received a award for 100% attendance and when I got up in front of the stage wow! So many people were staring at me and I swear I was gonna go red! One of my other friends also got an award but it was also her birthday that day so the whole school sang her ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' LOL! Now wouldn't that be embarrassing! Lucky it wasn't me!
Also have I told you that i have lost my tie and luckily I found it yesterday! My other friend accidentally put it in her bag when we were getting dresses after PE.
I also lost the school library books! OMG that is really really bad and I really need to get them back before June the 1st! OTHERWISE i will have to own them the fine! That is NOT good! :(
I really need to help find it my parents are no help and I have already looked through the whole house already and practically turned it upside down but I still couldn't find it I probably have to look for it at school or something! Please God help me I really need to find it I want to help my family save money! Please!!!
Speaking of money I am doing the 40 hr famine like I said before and I will be doing the no technology one but I haven't got any sponsors yet and THAT is bad I really need to try my best and get myself some sponsors!
My friend(Let's call her Miya) wanted to go to the movies an she said she will treat me so I accepted it's the hunger games and I have already seen it but...no matter what it's still a free movie! =D
Oh, god I really need to find those books and I really need to do something for mother's day that is on Sunday!!! Happy mother's day mum! =) and I am feeling really really really sick and tired AND I have my netball game tomorrow! Please let me feel better and let me find the library books! Please!
xx
-A
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Wednesday 9th May 2012
Hey again! I think today is the WORST DAY of my life!!! EVER!!
First it's been raining all day!
Second, I loaned money to a friend but I'm scared she won't pay it back,
Third,We got a mean new PE teacher!
Fourth,I lost my school tie!
Fifth nobody could find my tie
sixth, I lost 2 of the school library books
Seventh we have a science test tomorrow, and I can't study since i lost my tie and library books
Eighth, I have loads of homework
nineth, My parents cnnot not help me solve any of the problems!
Tenth, the list goes on and on!
Oh god what did I do to deserve this?!?!?
I am very worried about my library books and now I have no idea what to do!
The other thing is though me and my classmates are bonding more then before.
But the TIE what do I do!! i HAVE NO IDEA! My parents aren't any help at all either. I trieed everything and the library books! I can't find them and they are due in a week! What do I do??! Oh god please help me solve this I am soooo tired of handling everyting mby myself! I don't think I can do this anymore! Help me please
Netball was cancelled too and that was the only thing that was keeping me alive from all this crap but then I found out it's cancelled!
Help me please! I'm so...scared.
I bet things can get worser, but I don't wanna say that otherwise I will jinx it!Help!
xx
-A
First it's been raining all day!
Second, I loaned money to a friend but I'm scared she won't pay it back,
Third,We got a mean new PE teacher!
Fourth,I lost my school tie!
Fifth nobody could find my tie
sixth, I lost 2 of the school library books
Seventh we have a science test tomorrow, and I can't study since i lost my tie and library books
Eighth, I have loads of homework
nineth, My parents cnnot not help me solve any of the problems!
Tenth, the list goes on and on!
Oh god what did I do to deserve this?!?!?
I am very worried about my library books and now I have no idea what to do!
The other thing is though me and my classmates are bonding more then before.
But the TIE what do I do!! i HAVE NO IDEA! My parents aren't any help at all either. I trieed everything and the library books! I can't find them and they are due in a week! What do I do??! Oh god please help me solve this I am soooo tired of handling everyting mby myself! I don't think I can do this anymore! Help me please
Netball was cancelled too and that was the only thing that was keeping me alive from all this crap but then I found out it's cancelled!
Help me please! I'm so...scared.
I bet things can get worser, but I don't wanna say that otherwise I will jinx it!Help!
xx
-A
Sunday, 6 May 2012
Monday 7th May 2012
Hi again!
I'm pretty happy today!! Ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well she started talking to me again and yay!!! I really missed talking to her about what happened during that day and so on. I really miss her! I'm glad she talked to me and I'm also glad she saw me with a friend so that I can prove to her that I am NOT a loner! I'm just soooo happy! Today I felt like everything was in place and I felt belonging except for me pimples and acne (yes I do have acne) and I HATE IT! I really want to be pretty but I can't without these stupid acne in the way. I went to a doctors appointment last Tuesday and they said I haven't grown much taller either and I have gained weight!! I'm not fat or chubby just short and small! which I don't like!
I feel really relieved today except for the test and studying I have coming up but in my social life I feel...suddenly soooo free! :) It kinda makes me wanna cry...but I won't.
I haven't got much to talk about today and I was pretty satisfied with today's outcome. But I must admit I am still very lonely. I miss all my friends from my old school..and even the guys too! That's how much I miss my life of the past...But I can do it! I sure hope I can anyway...sigh. They say that with every girl's sigh a little happiness is drained out, and I believe that since I have been sighing a lot and I haven't been very happy.
I hope me and my new classmates make better connections through the year.I really do. I wanna make new friends that I can rely on and tell jokes to, just like I did last year and the year before that. I don't really like 2012, but I can't go back in time and like they say everyone must move forward and to never look back because it will hurt. And I defiantly agree...
Thanks for staying in tune! =)
x -A
I'm pretty happy today!! Ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well she started talking to me again and yay!!! I really missed talking to her about what happened during that day and so on. I really miss her! I'm glad she talked to me and I'm also glad she saw me with a friend so that I can prove to her that I am NOT a loner! I'm just soooo happy! Today I felt like everything was in place and I felt belonging except for me pimples and acne (yes I do have acne) and I HATE IT! I really want to be pretty but I can't without these stupid acne in the way. I went to a doctors appointment last Tuesday and they said I haven't grown much taller either and I have gained weight!! I'm not fat or chubby just short and small! which I don't like!
I feel really relieved today except for the test and studying I have coming up but in my social life I feel...suddenly soooo free! :) It kinda makes me wanna cry...but I won't.
I haven't got much to talk about today and I was pretty satisfied with today's outcome. But I must admit I am still very lonely. I miss all my friends from my old school..and even the guys too! That's how much I miss my life of the past...But I can do it! I sure hope I can anyway...sigh. They say that with every girl's sigh a little happiness is drained out, and I believe that since I have been sighing a lot and I haven't been very happy.
I hope me and my new classmates make better connections through the year.I really do. I wanna make new friends that I can rely on and tell jokes to, just like I did last year and the year before that. I don't really like 2012, but I can't go back in time and like they say everyone must move forward and to never look back because it will hurt. And I defiantly agree...
Thanks for staying in tune! =)
x -A
Sunday 6th May 2012
HEY!! =D Today is Sunday and I have school tomorrow...not cool! I have this like science test thing on Thursday and I haven't studied at all!!! OH GOD! I hope I can make it with studying though :) I just finished reading this epic cool Manga called Gakuen Alice and when i was finished I was crying...literally. TT_TT The main character really does die! I can't believe it. What would the heroine do when her lover is gone! OMG you should like so read it too!! there are like 163 chapters though. >.> I AM LIKE A MAJOR FAN, BUT NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THIS, since it will ruin my rep at school and I can't let that happen.
I finished reading this book called "stolen" it's a pretty good book and the ending was amazing! Pretty emotional but if you haven't noticed I am an emotional person.. :)
Tomorrow we have school and I wouldn't say I am really looking forward to it... I still have those...problems with her. I don't know if I can still face her...I feel like I am scared but I don't want to be...I don't want to be scared of her. And I want to prove to her that i can become someone, someone who is kind nice and selfless. I want to become someone who can rub it in her face and tell her she was wrong.
Sorry!!! I was listening to this really sad song while writing that ^. sigh. I really like this song since it does give off this amazing emotional aura and the lyrics are really meaningful and powerful. Really good.
Yesterday I don't think I wrote it in but I had my first netball game (maybe I had) and we WON! YAY!! We were versing Wellington Girls College and it was 7-4! To us! EAST GIRLS! Yay!! :) Pretty fun day and I actually played well in my opinion. The ball got passed to me a lot of times and I was actually part of the team (unlike last year when all the good people kept passing to each other.) Plus my teammates aren't really that good either.
After that I had to bus home and I was like nervous as hell! It was like the first time I bused home myself. Without any help, not like my parents could help anyway. Everything now and then it's always me they can never help me and when I do ask them to help they tell me to figure it out myself saying I'm old enough to deal with it and I shouldn't be depending on them...But what they don't know is that most of the time I only depend on myself because I know that there is no one who can help me and understand me other then me and I must admit I have lost my faith in others and that to do something to be best I have to do it myself. They don't know that every problem I face I don't even tell them about it. They think I have no problems when I actually have a lot that i have no idea how to say it aloud. Like at school they may think that my studies are good and all but what they don't know is that I am being bullied a bit for being smart and that I actually have no true friends that I can hang out with. They think that i am perfect and that they make their expectations even higher but they don't know that i am struggling to keep up and I am doing the best i can. That I don't really know how to deal with my own problems and that this is really hard me. They think I AM PERFECT but in reality I'm not. I don't even know why i try so hard to fit in. Maybe it's for [...] ( I'm gonna call that person Lydia, but her name isn't k. And I actually did put her real name on here..xD my bad!Lucky i edited!) or maybe I don't want people to think that I am just a geek or nerd. This is harder then they think. They think i can deal with it but I've been strong for a lot of years already. Yet they still don't know and I don't think I 'll EVER let them find out...
Wow...I was thinking I would keep this slow and paced but it seems once I start telling about my life and problems, I just can't stop... It's ok, I hope you will be there for me....I am soooo tired I just want to let everything go. Never look back at my past and if I do, never to dwell in it...
Thanks again for reading! :)...
x -A
I finished reading this book called "stolen" it's a pretty good book and the ending was amazing! Pretty emotional but if you haven't noticed I am an emotional person.. :)
Tomorrow we have school and I wouldn't say I am really looking forward to it... I still have those...problems with her. I don't know if I can still face her...I feel like I am scared but I don't want to be...I don't want to be scared of her. And I want to prove to her that i can become someone, someone who is kind nice and selfless. I want to become someone who can rub it in her face and tell her she was wrong.
Sorry!!! I was listening to this really sad song while writing that ^. sigh. I really like this song since it does give off this amazing emotional aura and the lyrics are really meaningful and powerful. Really good.
Yesterday I don't think I wrote it in but I had my first netball game (maybe I had) and we WON! YAY!! We were versing Wellington Girls College and it was 7-4! To us! EAST GIRLS! Yay!! :) Pretty fun day and I actually played well in my opinion. The ball got passed to me a lot of times and I was actually part of the team (unlike last year when all the good people kept passing to each other.) Plus my teammates aren't really that good either.
After that I had to bus home and I was like nervous as hell! It was like the first time I bused home myself. Without any help, not like my parents could help anyway. Everything now and then it's always me they can never help me and when I do ask them to help they tell me to figure it out myself saying I'm old enough to deal with it and I shouldn't be depending on them...But what they don't know is that most of the time I only depend on myself because I know that there is no one who can help me and understand me other then me and I must admit I have lost my faith in others and that to do something to be best I have to do it myself. They don't know that every problem I face I don't even tell them about it. They think I have no problems when I actually have a lot that i have no idea how to say it aloud. Like at school they may think that my studies are good and all but what they don't know is that I am being bullied a bit for being smart and that I actually have no true friends that I can hang out with. They think that i am perfect and that they make their expectations even higher but they don't know that i am struggling to keep up and I am doing the best i can. That I don't really know how to deal with my own problems and that this is really hard me. They think I AM PERFECT but in reality I'm not. I don't even know why i try so hard to fit in. Maybe it's for [...] ( I'm gonna call that person Lydia, but her name isn't k. And I actually did put her real name on here..xD my bad!Lucky i edited!) or maybe I don't want people to think that I am just a geek or nerd. This is harder then they think. They think i can deal with it but I've been strong for a lot of years already. Yet they still don't know and I don't think I 'll EVER let them find out...
Wow...I was thinking I would keep this slow and paced but it seems once I start telling about my life and problems, I just can't stop... It's ok, I hope you will be there for me....I am soooo tired I just want to let everything go. Never look back at my past and if I do, never to dwell in it...
Thanks again for reading! :)...
x -A
Friday, 4 May 2012
Saturday 5th May 2012
Hey, Sorry for that sappy post last time.
Anyway, I have a netball game today!!! first one!! too!! Wish me luck.:)
Did you know that last night I had a very strange dream. I can't quite remember it but I know that there were...pirates...a guy....me...and some other people. We were like looking for something, something important i think. The guy and me fell in love I think...or was it that we were dating. Anyway, he tried to hold my hand I wanted to hold his too. I can't remember who it was. When we were looking for that something, I found a hole and I poked it with a stick and then it turned out to be pirates!! Scary then me and him or was it with someone else now ran away. It didn't seem real. I think it was two separate dreams I can't really tell. Strange aye??
I have an overdue library dvd and I need to return it TODAY! but I can't I have netball and I have to top up my snapper card. sigh.
I don't have much to talk about today since it's only morning right now. Sooooo,
Bye! =D
xx -A
Anyway, I have a netball game today!!! first one!! too!! Wish me luck.:)
Did you know that last night I had a very strange dream. I can't quite remember it but I know that there were...pirates...a guy....me...and some other people. We were like looking for something, something important i think. The guy and me fell in love I think...or was it that we were dating. Anyway, he tried to hold my hand I wanted to hold his too. I can't remember who it was. When we were looking for that something, I found a hole and I poked it with a stick and then it turned out to be pirates!! Scary then me and him or was it with someone else now ran away. It didn't seem real. I think it was two separate dreams I can't really tell. Strange aye??
I have an overdue library dvd and I need to return it TODAY! but I can't I have netball and I have to top up my snapper card. sigh.
I don't have much to talk about today since it's only morning right now. Sooooo,
Bye! =D
xx -A
These things-My secrets
...I think I have had enough. I am very tired of all this trying to fit in.I don't know what to do anymore. It's just so hard to try and get everything back to what it was before...without losing something important. I really miss the old days where we would just hang out everyday and shop around with smiles on our faces and even without money we would stay till late in the afternoon before heading back home. Things that we did like take photos of each other and put them on facebook. Share our ice creams together and have fun. Talk about school work and what to wear on the first day of school. I really miss those moments where I felt like breaking apart and you would just say something really stupid and I would be laughing alongside with you. When we were all together in one room, laughing and chatting as the days go past...But now, how did everything happen like this. When I was little I never imagined that in 5 years time I would be so lonely, My best friend she was the lonely one and we would always stick together. But now that 5 years has gone up. We split apart and you find TRUE friends you could talk to about your problems. I also thought I had true friends too, but it turns out they only needed me because I was smart and they only followed me around was because they had no choice.I am finished with all THIS! I am so tired. I don't know who I am now, not after all these things have happened and me constantly trying to change myself. And I see that it's not working, but...who can I be now that I don't know where my true self has gone too?...What happened?My life was so perfect 3 years ago but now...There is no where to go anymore.
I have a netball game now with a team I don't know anymore, no one is what they are and I am now alone again just like 9 years ago. When I first came to New Zealand...
x -A
I have a netball game now with a team I don't know anymore, no one is what they are and I am now alone again just like 9 years ago. When I first came to New Zealand...
x -A
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Thursday 3rd May 2012
Hi again,
Well today, was an ok day and yeah, nothing much happened...oh wait....Does anyone know a singer called ANNA MAC? Because SHE WENT TO OUR SCHOOL FOR A CONCERT THAT'S FREE!!!!! I know right!And her singing was just sooooo amazing! Loved it!
Ok, after school when i was walking home, I hate walking home now...I don't have anyone to walk with. I bumped into her you know that person...well, yeah she was like hi and all but...when i saw her again she was whispering and pointing at me with her friend.They were very loud too. It just makes me feel so sad. So sad that she was so cold to me whenever I talk to her, and when I asked if she wanted to go back to our old school she was like "...I don't know,cuz like we all moved on" and stuff. I couldn't believe it! When we first started school, she was all clingy to me and saying she won't make friends and that she wasn't to go back to our old school but we can't.I just can't believe she changed so fast in 2 terms only...I miss her.
sigh. I have another blog too, but that one is for my science project and all and I REALLY need people to view it so please please do!!!!! :p It's called Mad Cow Disease...THE TRUTH! please view it! Thanks!!
OMG,right now I am saving up for a new bag. I haven't told my parents yet and I don't think they will approve with it as a school bag. So I was just thinking of buying it without telling them and when I DO I will just say how awesome it was to save money for something I really want. Hope it works.
Another thing, ya know that the 40 hr famine is coming right. (end of May) Well, I was thinking of doing the no sleep one, but then i realized that my parents wouldn't let me have no sleep for nearly two days so I was thinking of the no food one, BUT THEN I thought about how they would react. And so Last one was the Technology one and I realized that they would be happy about that one because they always blabber on about me going on the computer too much and all and tht it's bad for my eyes but I just CAN'T go without it so I think it would be a challenge for me and I would like to go hard for the hungry too!!! You should try it, especially if you use your weakness...Not a good sight....
hehe, Ok i think that's all for now and please continue to follow my blog 'the secrets of life' ...MY LIFE
=D x A
Well today, was an ok day and yeah, nothing much happened...oh wait....Does anyone know a singer called ANNA MAC? Because SHE WENT TO OUR SCHOOL FOR A CONCERT THAT'S FREE!!!!! I know right!And her singing was just sooooo amazing! Loved it!
Ok, after school when i was walking home, I hate walking home now...I don't have anyone to walk with. I bumped into her you know that person...well, yeah she was like hi and all but...when i saw her again she was whispering and pointing at me with her friend.They were very loud too. It just makes me feel so sad. So sad that she was so cold to me whenever I talk to her, and when I asked if she wanted to go back to our old school she was like "...I don't know,cuz like we all moved on" and stuff. I couldn't believe it! When we first started school, she was all clingy to me and saying she won't make friends and that she wasn't to go back to our old school but we can't.I just can't believe she changed so fast in 2 terms only...I miss her.
sigh. I have another blog too, but that one is for my science project and all and I REALLY need people to view it so please please do!!!!! :p It's called Mad Cow Disease...THE TRUTH! please view it! Thanks!!
OMG,right now I am saving up for a new bag. I haven't told my parents yet and I don't think they will approve with it as a school bag. So I was just thinking of buying it without telling them and when I DO I will just say how awesome it was to save money for something I really want. Hope it works.
Another thing, ya know that the 40 hr famine is coming right. (end of May) Well, I was thinking of doing the no sleep one, but then i realized that my parents wouldn't let me have no sleep for nearly two days so I was thinking of the no food one, BUT THEN I thought about how they would react. And so Last one was the Technology one and I realized that they would be happy about that one because they always blabber on about me going on the computer too much and all and tht it's bad for my eyes but I just CAN'T go without it so I think it would be a challenge for me and I would like to go hard for the hungry too!!! You should try it, especially if you use your weakness...Not a good sight....
hehe, Ok i think that's all for now and please continue to follow my blog 'the secrets of life' ...MY LIFE
=D x A
Wednesday May 2nd 2012
Hey again!!! :)
It's me and I was just so surprised that there were actually page views! Thanks!
I know I haven't been writing for a while because I am really busy with homework these days and.. I just don't feel like going on.
Anyway the first thing I want to talk about is my friend or friend enemy... yeah well today she was like 'hey A do you wanna come to my form class and hang out with my besties?!?' I didn't know if she as doing it on purpose or anything but I didn't want to because she use to call me BESTIE! and only me! I'm not jealous or anything I don't care what she does with those..people, it's just that i have a feeling that she is mocking me and that she is better then me and has friends or something. It's just...sad. But I guess what's sad is not what they have turned into, but how they use to be like that quote you know...yeah. I miss her so much.But it's like...popularity is eating her out alive... :(
I have this other friend she is a year older then me and she is starting to ignore me..well not ignore me but like she rarely says hi to me at school and all, it's like she doesn't want to meddle with people who is younger then her 1 year in front of her friends. And recently she has just moved to another neighborhood and she lives like 1-2 mins away from her other friends. But like when she is alone with me and another friend she is her usual self. Which I really miss too! Why is everyone changing or moving away?! My best best best friend for like I don't know maybe 8 years has moved to Kaori! and she moved to another school and changed her phone number! We rarely call each other up too...sigh.
Ok ok enough with my stupid and poor social life. I have some news, you know that fitness test called 'the beep test?' well today we did it and I got a 7.2! I am not really proud since I was aiming for a 8 but ti was so sooooo hard! If you tried it you would know how I feel! Especially since I got an 7.5 last year! I am not saying I'm fat, just that...my fitness level has gone down..yeah! :p
Also today we got our test back from English and I must say I was a bit disappointed with my score especially since those...oh I don't know...wannabes got such a higher score then me and that they go out very weekend instead of studying and stuff but I don't blame them I go out on weekends too! :p
But at least I kept my grades up like Maths! I am like the top of the class-ish... hehe um ok! hehe, looks like that's it. My blog! Please kept checking in! :D Thanks,
xx
-A
It's me and I was just so surprised that there were actually page views! Thanks!
I know I haven't been writing for a while because I am really busy with homework these days and.. I just don't feel like going on.
Anyway the first thing I want to talk about is my friend or friend enemy... yeah well today she was like 'hey A do you wanna come to my form class and hang out with my besties?!?' I didn't know if she as doing it on purpose or anything but I didn't want to because she use to call me BESTIE! and only me! I'm not jealous or anything I don't care what she does with those..people, it's just that i have a feeling that she is mocking me and that she is better then me and has friends or something. It's just...sad. But I guess what's sad is not what they have turned into, but how they use to be like that quote you know...yeah. I miss her so much.But it's like...popularity is eating her out alive... :(
I have this other friend she is a year older then me and she is starting to ignore me..well not ignore me but like she rarely says hi to me at school and all, it's like she doesn't want to meddle with people who is younger then her 1 year in front of her friends. And recently she has just moved to another neighborhood and she lives like 1-2 mins away from her other friends. But like when she is alone with me and another friend she is her usual self. Which I really miss too! Why is everyone changing or moving away?! My best best best friend for like I don't know maybe 8 years has moved to Kaori! and she moved to another school and changed her phone number! We rarely call each other up too...sigh.
Ok ok enough with my stupid and poor social life. I have some news, you know that fitness test called 'the beep test?' well today we did it and I got a 7.2! I am not really proud since I was aiming for a 8 but ti was so sooooo hard! If you tried it you would know how I feel! Especially since I got an 7.5 last year! I am not saying I'm fat, just that...my fitness level has gone down..yeah! :p
Also today we got our test back from English and I must say I was a bit disappointed with my score especially since those...oh I don't know...wannabes got such a higher score then me and that they go out very weekend instead of studying and stuff but I don't blame them I go out on weekends too! :p
But at least I kept my grades up like Maths! I am like the top of the class-ish... hehe um ok! hehe, looks like that's it. My blog! Please kept checking in! :D Thanks,
xx
-A
Wednesday, 25 April 2012
Thursday April 26th 2012
Hi,
this is my first time on Blogger. It was my friend who showed me this and I would say I was interested straight away. Some people might read this and some might not but I know that this is mostly for me to tell how I feel and what has been happening. First I have a lot of things e.g like facebook and Tumblr and all that but I just want to tell you I won't be posting anything related. I am really looking forward to this since I am not doing very well in my new school year. I just started college and I have having a lot of troubles. My friends from my other school, in my opinion my some-what best friend has turned into a stupid bitchy person, she use to be really funny but I just don't get it now. Her jokes are funny...if it's not about you. She always say these really mean jokes and then she adds a 'jokes' at the end and if you don't believe her she just leaves you saying "You need to learn to take a joke!" I wouldn't call it a joke if you say to someone that they are a loner and has no friends to hang out with now will you? That's the thing she use to be really kind and sweet and funny with jokes that are 'REAL AND NICE' but now... she's just hanging out with a slut and some other people.I hate her and I think she hates me!I just can't stand her! She just leaves me in the dust thinking she doesn't need me anymore. Well, maybe I don't need her also...
And I have this other problem, my netball training are going to start and they are going to be on Tuesday afternoons but the thing if I have after classes! AT THE SAME TIME! so my parents say I can choose one and I don't want to because in my after classes I am actually making friends after what like 3 years and am making progress but Netball i can't give up either cuz I always wanted to play! So i have no idea what to do! :( My parents aren't helping either screaming at me saying I am not organized with the time and all. But it's not my fault it's the coaches fault but it's not like they'll listen.
sigh. I am so tired and it's only term 2! I can't believe it! I have no doing very well in college except for my studies which is always still good. But in social matters, NOT REALLY!sigh. what do I do?!
Yep this is my first blog and I already am spilling out my darkest secrets.
xx
-A
this is my first time on Blogger. It was my friend who showed me this and I would say I was interested straight away. Some people might read this and some might not but I know that this is mostly for me to tell how I feel and what has been happening. First I have a lot of things e.g like facebook and Tumblr and all that but I just want to tell you I won't be posting anything related. I am really looking forward to this since I am not doing very well in my new school year. I just started college and I have having a lot of troubles. My friends from my other school, in my opinion my some-what best friend has turned into a stupid bitchy person, she use to be really funny but I just don't get it now. Her jokes are funny...if it's not about you. She always say these really mean jokes and then she adds a 'jokes' at the end and if you don't believe her she just leaves you saying "You need to learn to take a joke!" I wouldn't call it a joke if you say to someone that they are a loner and has no friends to hang out with now will you? That's the thing she use to be really kind and sweet and funny with jokes that are 'REAL AND NICE' but now... she's just hanging out with a slut and some other people.I hate her and I think she hates me!I just can't stand her! She just leaves me in the dust thinking she doesn't need me anymore. Well, maybe I don't need her also...
And I have this other problem, my netball training are going to start and they are going to be on Tuesday afternoons but the thing if I have after classes! AT THE SAME TIME! so my parents say I can choose one and I don't want to because in my after classes I am actually making friends after what like 3 years and am making progress but Netball i can't give up either cuz I always wanted to play! So i have no idea what to do! :( My parents aren't helping either screaming at me saying I am not organized with the time and all. But it's not my fault it's the coaches fault but it's not like they'll listen.
sigh. I am so tired and it's only term 2! I can't believe it! I have no doing very well in college except for my studies which is always still good. But in social matters, NOT REALLY!sigh. what do I do?!
Yep this is my first blog and I already am spilling out my darkest secrets.
xx
-A
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