xx A
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Music in the air
xx A
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Wednesday 30th of May 2012
Hey long time no see!!!! School is going...just a little bit under great. We have holidays on Friday because it's teacher only day and the school is closed on Monday since it's the Queen's birthday! Yay 4 day weekend!
Stuff at school have been ok, but ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well it seems like someone asked her out and she went on and on about it...I don't get it why would anyone ask her out??I mean I'm better then her taller then her and smarter then her but how come that guy asked her out?! Well, maybe it's because of the girls she's hanging out with these days. They are like sluts. I mean who wants to have sex at the age of 14? Seriously. How can she be friends with these people?!! My first friend...well, she's going to be going back to America California! Cool aye?! She will be gone for about 7 weeks, so I will miss her heaps!!! She was my first friend at this new school...
Anyway, today we had a late start. We always have late starts on Wednesday. Anyway well, me and some other old friends visited our old school. OMG everything has changed so much. I always wondered how it would feel like to not be a part of the class but come back and wear another schools uniform. To tell them how my old school has been and to know that everyone fusses over you because they haven't seen you in such a long time. Lot's of hugs too. I really really miss them. Ok, that was not the point, the point was that one of my old friends saw that my skirt was a bit higher then last term or so, and she was like making mean humour and mean jokes about. I get it ok! My skirt is really short but I don't fit in and this is the only way to fit in! Can you not see that?! But I guess she was right, last term my skirt was way longer then it is now. So I adjusted it. But she had to say it in front of 'Lydia'. I lost so much face today, if you know what i mean. I really miss my old life a lot. Maybe I just have to just be myself and that's all right. I need to be myself. I want to.
I don't have my netball game on Saturday but I will be going to the movies with my friend. She's treating me since she has the free movie tickets. Yay! I wonder what i should wear. I always worry about this just in case I bump into someone I know I want to show off and all but...why, is this really necessary? I really should just be myself.
xx A
Stuff at school have been ok, but ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well it seems like someone asked her out and she went on and on about it...I don't get it why would anyone ask her out??I mean I'm better then her taller then her and smarter then her but how come that guy asked her out?! Well, maybe it's because of the girls she's hanging out with these days. They are like sluts. I mean who wants to have sex at the age of 14? Seriously. How can she be friends with these people?!! My first friend...well, she's going to be going back to America California! Cool aye?! She will be gone for about 7 weeks, so I will miss her heaps!!! She was my first friend at this new school...
Anyway, today we had a late start. We always have late starts on Wednesday. Anyway well, me and some other old friends visited our old school. OMG everything has changed so much. I always wondered how it would feel like to not be a part of the class but come back and wear another schools uniform. To tell them how my old school has been and to know that everyone fusses over you because they haven't seen you in such a long time. Lot's of hugs too. I really really miss them. Ok, that was not the point, the point was that one of my old friends saw that my skirt was a bit higher then last term or so, and she was like making mean humour and mean jokes about. I get it ok! My skirt is really short but I don't fit in and this is the only way to fit in! Can you not see that?! But I guess she was right, last term my skirt was way longer then it is now. So I adjusted it. But she had to say it in front of 'Lydia'. I lost so much face today, if you know what i mean. I really miss my old life a lot. Maybe I just have to just be myself and that's all right. I need to be myself. I want to.
I don't have my netball game on Saturday but I will be going to the movies with my friend. She's treating me since she has the free movie tickets. Yay! I wonder what i should wear. I always worry about this just in case I bump into someone I know I want to show off and all but...why, is this really necessary? I really should just be myself.
xx A
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Monday, 21 May 2012
Monday 21st May 2012
Hi everybody, I know I haven't been writing for a while and I was just wondering...do you think I'm making this all up?? Do you think all the posts I have put up are lies? Because if you are well, your wrong.These are all true facts and feelings and are all based on real life events...(I sound like an author in a book...)I won't be putting up real names so you know, just in case, and please I welcome all comments and questions if you have any. =)
Anyway, school has been good these days, I am more happier then in the earlier of the year. One of my friends...( Allina ) Well she will be going back to America on June the 6th or was it the 7th...or 5th...I can't remember but I will MISS her heaps since she was the first person and friend I have made at this new school.First Friend! =D Anyway...she will be gone for like...7 weeks and i don't know if i can survive school without her...Let's hope I will.
I also have this other friend...(Mikay) and not everybody likes her and all but in my opinion she is a great friend and she has a very bright attitude but...I'm scared if I talk to her, other girls those popular wannabes (and even though they are wannabes, everybody looks up to them) might think I'm a loser as well. And I don't want that. So what can I do?!
I'm making more friends as days go on but...My other old friends they get to visit our old school , just the two of them, and they get to see them!! which is so not fair,I mean I'm good but I don't get to see them and get chosen to go back! Why that is NOT fair!
And also my homework is like piling up and well..I seriously cannot keep up much!
Just this morning I accidentally said bloody cold to one of my friends and well, the teacher made a big thing out of it and the class kinda laughed.sigh.I have a lot more to talk about, but maybe another day, because you know...I don't wanna whisper too many secrets at once.
xx A
Anyway, school has been good these days, I am more happier then in the earlier of the year. One of my friends...( Allina ) Well she will be going back to America on June the 6th or was it the 7th...or 5th...I can't remember but I will MISS her heaps since she was the first person and friend I have made at this new school.First Friend! =D Anyway...she will be gone for like...7 weeks and i don't know if i can survive school without her...Let's hope I will.
I also have this other friend...(Mikay) and not everybody likes her and all but in my opinion she is a great friend and she has a very bright attitude but...I'm scared if I talk to her, other girls those popular wannabes (and even though they are wannabes, everybody looks up to them) might think I'm a loser as well. And I don't want that. So what can I do?!
I'm making more friends as days go on but...My other old friends they get to visit our old school , just the two of them, and they get to see them!! which is so not fair,I mean I'm good but I don't get to see them and get chosen to go back! Why that is NOT fair!
And also my homework is like piling up and well..I seriously cannot keep up much!
Just this morning I accidentally said bloody cold to one of my friends and well, the teacher made a big thing out of it and the class kinda laughed.sigh.I have a lot more to talk about, but maybe another day, because you know...I don't wanna whisper too many secrets at once.
xx A
My deeper secrets-It's driving me insane...
What happened?
I don't know, I really had no idea what happened.One moment I was walking home from school chatting and laughing along side with my friends the next moment I get home and come upstairs to my room, My face is wet with tears and my throat is all dried up and it hurts like hell! Like I was putting up a facade all this time. My parents were down stairs,well I...I had...I had this mental breakdown.
What happened?
I don't remember much, it all happened all too fast. I didn't get it. I was sobbing my heart out all of a sudden. I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't want to cry but..why didn't the tears stop? They just kept flowing down and down. My eyes were bright red an dmy nose was runny.Why did I just suddenly...
Something is not right. I feel everything has already changed, I know it has becaus emy chest feels lighter everyday and I'm laughing alongside my friends everyday.Why did I just sudden;y burst out crying? WHY!
I thought eerything was happy again the way it to be, everything would be perfect, but I guess...nothing can really go back to the way it was.huh.
I need to let it out otherwise...it'll drive me...
insane
x
A
I don't know, I really had no idea what happened.One moment I was walking home from school chatting and laughing along side with my friends the next moment I get home and come upstairs to my room, My face is wet with tears and my throat is all dried up and it hurts like hell! Like I was putting up a facade all this time. My parents were down stairs,well I...I had...I had this mental breakdown.
What happened?
I don't remember much, it all happened all too fast. I didn't get it. I was sobbing my heart out all of a sudden. I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't want to cry but..why didn't the tears stop? They just kept flowing down and down. My eyes were bright red an dmy nose was runny.Why did I just suddenly...
Something is not right. I feel everything has already changed, I know it has becaus emy chest feels lighter everyday and I'm laughing alongside my friends everyday.Why did I just sudden;y burst out crying? WHY!
I thought eerything was happy again the way it to be, everything would be perfect, but I guess...nothing can really go back to the way it was.huh.
I need to let it out otherwise...it'll drive me...
insane
x
A
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Wednesday 16th May 2012
Hi everyone,it's been a while now hasn't it =)
Today at school this woman came in talking to us about attitude-friendship topic basically. She went on about what types of friends there are and what type of friends we should have. The way we should be treating our friends and what a REAL friend would look like...meaning not EVER leaving them out. This presentation made me think a lot of things. It made me think about my relation with Lydia and my other so called 'friends'. There were also times when she talked about how we are treating our friends and what NOT to do. I have made progress I would think. I actually started to treat these people my friends but...The lady also said the key point in making TRUE friends was being yourself and when you are not yourself, you are a...FAKE. I was really interested with what she was saying today. I felt like there were actually people who understand and can help me. ewwww!! That sounds so...cheesy. But she was right, I felt like I wasn't being myself in this new school and I felt like I was doing everything I can just to fit in.She told me fitting in would make you do lot's of crazy things, and I really believe her, at the start of the term I thought the friends have now, they were dorks and crap, and so I went through my absolute best just to fit in with the populars,the wannabes.I wanted to be popular and happy but fitting in was maybe throughout my whole life the most hardest thing I have ever tried. I realized that my good friends now, they were the ones that are making me happy,they are the ones I would be laughing with in 2 years time probably.I realized that fitting in was not everything, popularity was just a drug, eating you alive.Yet for some reason I still am pretending, I am still not myself and I can feel it. I just can. I want to change, that is why I will do my best this year,I defiantly will!I do get along with everyone in my class though I sometimes still have that aching feeling that i could have done better with friendship but I am someone that does not fit in, someone that doesn't really belong yet tries, because...Why try to fit in when I was born to stand out?
Also Lydia is trying to befriend me again, I wonder if it's because she is pretending and is tired she wants to become someone TRUE again. Maybe just maybe it's true, maybe she is feeling like she needs a break from all the acting. Who knows.
xx A
Today at school this woman came in talking to us about attitude-friendship topic basically. She went on about what types of friends there are and what type of friends we should have. The way we should be treating our friends and what a REAL friend would look like...meaning not EVER leaving them out. This presentation made me think a lot of things. It made me think about my relation with Lydia and my other so called 'friends'. There were also times when she talked about how we are treating our friends and what NOT to do. I have made progress I would think. I actually started to treat these people my friends but...The lady also said the key point in making TRUE friends was being yourself and when you are not yourself, you are a...FAKE. I was really interested with what she was saying today. I felt like there were actually people who understand and can help me. ewwww!! That sounds so...cheesy. But she was right, I felt like I wasn't being myself in this new school and I felt like I was doing everything I can just to fit in.She told me fitting in would make you do lot's of crazy things, and I really believe her, at the start of the term I thought the friends have now, they were dorks and crap, and so I went through my absolute best just to fit in with the populars,the wannabes.I wanted to be popular and happy but fitting in was maybe throughout my whole life the most hardest thing I have ever tried. I realized that my good friends now, they were the ones that are making me happy,they are the ones I would be laughing with in 2 years time probably.I realized that fitting in was not everything, popularity was just a drug, eating you alive.Yet for some reason I still am pretending, I am still not myself and I can feel it. I just can. I want to change, that is why I will do my best this year,I defiantly will!I do get along with everyone in my class though I sometimes still have that aching feeling that i could have done better with friendship but I am someone that does not fit in, someone that doesn't really belong yet tries, because...Why try to fit in when I was born to stand out?
Also Lydia is trying to befriend me again, I wonder if it's because she is pretending and is tired she wants to become someone TRUE again. Maybe just maybe it's true, maybe she is feeling like she needs a break from all the acting. Who knows.
xx A
Sunday, 13 May 2012
The secrets of fitting in-popularity
Today, I lost a very dear friend of mine to something that would eat her
alive…Popularity.She’s trying to fit in with the girls she said she’d
never be like.She’s not funny anymore she’s mean! She thinks she’s the
boss and listens only to her other crew.She is menacing and scary now!
She use to be kind and thoughtful but I guess popularity ate her alive.I
really want the old her back.She’s only ever hanging out with her other
friends now and not her old.She is only her when we are alone…I don’t
like her anymore.She’s turned into something that is eating her.changing
her.turning her into someone…a bitch.We made plans about a month ago to
go to the movies and to visit our old primary school as well as visit
the fair but…She stood me up.She said she was not going to the fair and
hanging out at this other girls place.She said she was going with that
other girl to the movies with her boyfriends and co-. She said she
wanted to bring her ‘friends’ to our old school and show her around.I
finally found the courage to say she was changing, She then turned round
and said I was changing too! But I wasn’t, it was her.I feel really sad
now.She said that her ‘other’ friends didn’t like the jokes she made to
her old friends.So she stopped.She said they didn’t like the way she
was dressed so she changed.She hangs out with them all the time now.I
really miss her.I want her to come back.Because popularity is eating her
alive…She only listens to her other friends now. Only. It’s changing
her,trying to fit in, popularity is changing her…And maybe, just maybe she’s
changing me too…
Saturday, 12 May 2012
The secret of my dreams
I don't get it! Why did I have that in my head,why did I have that dream?! It was so strange, I must have been thinking about that book I have just finished reading. Or maybe it's about my school life or maybe it's a...sign.
I just didn't get it! Why? why? I ran away from school...but it wasn't my school I think, or was it?I can't remember. I ran away I met new friends and new enemies. Those new friends got captured by those enemies. It was a boy. 2 boys and a girl? I protected them and ran away, it felt like I was running in circles around a certain house I think, I ran away for a long time. I even remember asking myself if I was dreaming or not. It felt so real. Soon I got captured, It felt like days but ti has only been one night,When i got back to the academy? Everybody eyes were on me. My new classmates at my real new school. My friends. They were looking down on me. Like I could never return the peace back til when we had a normal life.It felt like that, it really did. The feeling of loneliness overwhelming me.We were at assembly now, everybody looking at me. Shocked, scared, disappointment. I saw a classmate of mine...(her name is gonna be Mills)...Mills. She was holding a pair of my old shorts. Grey/olive. I think I stayed at that academy or school, my new suitcase. Mills was saying it was hers. NO! it's mine! I'm walking along the hallway now, people's eyes were staring at me.(Lilian) Lilian, one of my new friends at this school, I smiled at her, she didn't smile back. Se just simply walked pass as if I was a disappointment to them all. I them walked pass one of my very good friend.(Divvie) Divvie.I smiled at her, she smiled back but looked away quickly and walked off. Then Another girl was holding onto one of my clothing, but why?! Everybody looked down on me. Is it wrong to run away?
Is it what i really want?
This really sounds like a story now doesn't it? Yes, it does...but it's not. I had this dream, and I don't know why.
It could be because of my fears, or of my new school and I feel sad or something.It may even be a sign.I might find out today, or I might find out tomorrow or the next day or...never.But even though, one thing is for sure, I will never really know the secrets to this dream.
I just didn't get it! Why? why? I ran away from school...but it wasn't my school I think, or was it?I can't remember. I ran away I met new friends and new enemies. Those new friends got captured by those enemies. It was a boy. 2 boys and a girl? I protected them and ran away, it felt like I was running in circles around a certain house I think, I ran away for a long time. I even remember asking myself if I was dreaming or not. It felt so real. Soon I got captured, It felt like days but ti has only been one night,When i got back to the academy? Everybody eyes were on me. My new classmates at my real new school. My friends. They were looking down on me. Like I could never return the peace back til when we had a normal life.It felt like that, it really did. The feeling of loneliness overwhelming me.We were at assembly now, everybody looking at me. Shocked, scared, disappointment. I saw a classmate of mine...(her name is gonna be Mills)...Mills. She was holding a pair of my old shorts. Grey/olive. I think I stayed at that academy or school, my new suitcase. Mills was saying it was hers. NO! it's mine! I'm walking along the hallway now, people's eyes were staring at me.(Lilian) Lilian, one of my new friends at this school, I smiled at her, she didn't smile back. Se just simply walked pass as if I was a disappointment to them all. I them walked pass one of my very good friend.(Divvie) Divvie.I smiled at her, she smiled back but looked away quickly and walked off. Then Another girl was holding onto one of my clothing, but why?! Everybody looked down on me. Is it wrong to run away?
Is it what i really want?
This really sounds like a story now doesn't it? Yes, it does...but it's not. I had this dream, and I don't know why.
It could be because of my fears, or of my new school and I feel sad or something.It may even be a sign.I might find out today, or I might find out tomorrow or the next day or...never.But even though, one thing is for sure, I will never really know the secrets to this dream.
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Friday 11th May 2012
Oh ,god... I feel so tried and sick right now!
I was starting to feel sick yesterday night but I thought I would get over it but when I arrived in class his morning I felt like I was gonna faint any moment! And plus today was the day I had after classes so that didn't help.
Yesterday I received a award for 100% attendance and when I got up in front of the stage wow! So many people were staring at me and I swear I was gonna go red! One of my other friends also got an award but it was also her birthday that day so the whole school sang her ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' LOL! Now wouldn't that be embarrassing! Lucky it wasn't me!
Also have I told you that i have lost my tie and luckily I found it yesterday! My other friend accidentally put it in her bag when we were getting dresses after PE.
I also lost the school library books! OMG that is really really bad and I really need to get them back before June the 1st! OTHERWISE i will have to own them the fine! That is NOT good! :(
I really need to help find it my parents are no help and I have already looked through the whole house already and practically turned it upside down but I still couldn't find it I probably have to look for it at school or something! Please God help me I really need to find it I want to help my family save money! Please!!!
Speaking of money I am doing the 40 hr famine like I said before and I will be doing the no technology one but I haven't got any sponsors yet and THAT is bad I really need to try my best and get myself some sponsors!
My friend(Let's call her Miya) wanted to go to the movies an she said she will treat me so I accepted it's the hunger games and I have already seen it but...no matter what it's still a free movie! =D
Oh, god I really need to find those books and I really need to do something for mother's day that is on Sunday!!! Happy mother's day mum! =) and I am feeling really really really sick and tired AND I have my netball game tomorrow! Please let me feel better and let me find the library books! Please!
xx
-A
I was starting to feel sick yesterday night but I thought I would get over it but when I arrived in class his morning I felt like I was gonna faint any moment! And plus today was the day I had after classes so that didn't help.
Yesterday I received a award for 100% attendance and when I got up in front of the stage wow! So many people were staring at me and I swear I was gonna go red! One of my other friends also got an award but it was also her birthday that day so the whole school sang her ' HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' LOL! Now wouldn't that be embarrassing! Lucky it wasn't me!
Also have I told you that i have lost my tie and luckily I found it yesterday! My other friend accidentally put it in her bag when we were getting dresses after PE.
I also lost the school library books! OMG that is really really bad and I really need to get them back before June the 1st! OTHERWISE i will have to own them the fine! That is NOT good! :(
I really need to help find it my parents are no help and I have already looked through the whole house already and practically turned it upside down but I still couldn't find it I probably have to look for it at school or something! Please God help me I really need to find it I want to help my family save money! Please!!!
Speaking of money I am doing the 40 hr famine like I said before and I will be doing the no technology one but I haven't got any sponsors yet and THAT is bad I really need to try my best and get myself some sponsors!
My friend(Let's call her Miya) wanted to go to the movies an she said she will treat me so I accepted it's the hunger games and I have already seen it but...no matter what it's still a free movie! =D
Oh, god I really need to find those books and I really need to do something for mother's day that is on Sunday!!! Happy mother's day mum! =) and I am feeling really really really sick and tired AND I have my netball game tomorrow! Please let me feel better and let me find the library books! Please!
xx
-A
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Wednesday 9th May 2012
Hey again! I think today is the WORST DAY of my life!!! EVER!!
First it's been raining all day!
Second, I loaned money to a friend but I'm scared she won't pay it back,
Third,We got a mean new PE teacher!
Fourth,I lost my school tie!
Fifth nobody could find my tie
sixth, I lost 2 of the school library books
Seventh we have a science test tomorrow, and I can't study since i lost my tie and library books
Eighth, I have loads of homework
nineth, My parents cnnot not help me solve any of the problems!
Tenth, the list goes on and on!
Oh god what did I do to deserve this?!?!?
I am very worried about my library books and now I have no idea what to do!
The other thing is though me and my classmates are bonding more then before.
But the TIE what do I do!! i HAVE NO IDEA! My parents aren't any help at all either. I trieed everything and the library books! I can't find them and they are due in a week! What do I do??! Oh god please help me solve this I am soooo tired of handling everyting mby myself! I don't think I can do this anymore! Help me please
Netball was cancelled too and that was the only thing that was keeping me alive from all this crap but then I found out it's cancelled!
Help me please! I'm so...scared.
I bet things can get worser, but I don't wanna say that otherwise I will jinx it!Help!
xx
-A
First it's been raining all day!
Second, I loaned money to a friend but I'm scared she won't pay it back,
Third,We got a mean new PE teacher!
Fourth,I lost my school tie!
Fifth nobody could find my tie
sixth, I lost 2 of the school library books
Seventh we have a science test tomorrow, and I can't study since i lost my tie and library books
Eighth, I have loads of homework
nineth, My parents cnnot not help me solve any of the problems!
Tenth, the list goes on and on!
Oh god what did I do to deserve this?!?!?
I am very worried about my library books and now I have no idea what to do!
The other thing is though me and my classmates are bonding more then before.
But the TIE what do I do!! i HAVE NO IDEA! My parents aren't any help at all either. I trieed everything and the library books! I can't find them and they are due in a week! What do I do??! Oh god please help me solve this I am soooo tired of handling everyting mby myself! I don't think I can do this anymore! Help me please
Netball was cancelled too and that was the only thing that was keeping me alive from all this crap but then I found out it's cancelled!
Help me please! I'm so...scared.
I bet things can get worser, but I don't wanna say that otherwise I will jinx it!Help!
xx
-A
Sunday, 6 May 2012
Monday 7th May 2012
Hi again!
I'm pretty happy today!! Ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well she started talking to me again and yay!!! I really missed talking to her about what happened during that day and so on. I really miss her! I'm glad she talked to me and I'm also glad she saw me with a friend so that I can prove to her that I am NOT a loner! I'm just soooo happy! Today I felt like everything was in place and I felt belonging except for me pimples and acne (yes I do have acne) and I HATE IT! I really want to be pretty but I can't without these stupid acne in the way. I went to a doctors appointment last Tuesday and they said I haven't grown much taller either and I have gained weight!! I'm not fat or chubby just short and small! which I don't like!
I feel really relieved today except for the test and studying I have coming up but in my social life I feel...suddenly soooo free! :) It kinda makes me wanna cry...but I won't.
I haven't got much to talk about today and I was pretty satisfied with today's outcome. But I must admit I am still very lonely. I miss all my friends from my old school..and even the guys too! That's how much I miss my life of the past...But I can do it! I sure hope I can anyway...sigh. They say that with every girl's sigh a little happiness is drained out, and I believe that since I have been sighing a lot and I haven't been very happy.
I hope me and my new classmates make better connections through the year.I really do. I wanna make new friends that I can rely on and tell jokes to, just like I did last year and the year before that. I don't really like 2012, but I can't go back in time and like they say everyone must move forward and to never look back because it will hurt. And I defiantly agree...
Thanks for staying in tune! =)
x -A
I'm pretty happy today!! Ya know that girl called 'Lydia' well she started talking to me again and yay!!! I really missed talking to her about what happened during that day and so on. I really miss her! I'm glad she talked to me and I'm also glad she saw me with a friend so that I can prove to her that I am NOT a loner! I'm just soooo happy! Today I felt like everything was in place and I felt belonging except for me pimples and acne (yes I do have acne) and I HATE IT! I really want to be pretty but I can't without these stupid acne in the way. I went to a doctors appointment last Tuesday and they said I haven't grown much taller either and I have gained weight!! I'm not fat or chubby just short and small! which I don't like!
I feel really relieved today except for the test and studying I have coming up but in my social life I feel...suddenly soooo free! :) It kinda makes me wanna cry...but I won't.
I haven't got much to talk about today and I was pretty satisfied with today's outcome. But I must admit I am still very lonely. I miss all my friends from my old school..and even the guys too! That's how much I miss my life of the past...But I can do it! I sure hope I can anyway...sigh. They say that with every girl's sigh a little happiness is drained out, and I believe that since I have been sighing a lot and I haven't been very happy.
I hope me and my new classmates make better connections through the year.I really do. I wanna make new friends that I can rely on and tell jokes to, just like I did last year and the year before that. I don't really like 2012, but I can't go back in time and like they say everyone must move forward and to never look back because it will hurt. And I defiantly agree...
Thanks for staying in tune! =)
x -A
Sunday 6th May 2012
HEY!! =D Today is Sunday and I have school tomorrow...not cool! I have this like science test thing on Thursday and I haven't studied at all!!! OH GOD! I hope I can make it with studying though :) I just finished reading this epic cool Manga called Gakuen Alice and when i was finished I was crying...literally. TT_TT The main character really does die! I can't believe it. What would the heroine do when her lover is gone! OMG you should like so read it too!! there are like 163 chapters though. >.> I AM LIKE A MAJOR FAN, BUT NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THIS, since it will ruin my rep at school and I can't let that happen.
I finished reading this book called "stolen" it's a pretty good book and the ending was amazing! Pretty emotional but if you haven't noticed I am an emotional person.. :)
Tomorrow we have school and I wouldn't say I am really looking forward to it... I still have those...problems with her. I don't know if I can still face her...I feel like I am scared but I don't want to be...I don't want to be scared of her. And I want to prove to her that i can become someone, someone who is kind nice and selfless. I want to become someone who can rub it in her face and tell her she was wrong.
Sorry!!! I was listening to this really sad song while writing that ^. sigh. I really like this song since it does give off this amazing emotional aura and the lyrics are really meaningful and powerful. Really good.
Yesterday I don't think I wrote it in but I had my first netball game (maybe I had) and we WON! YAY!! We were versing Wellington Girls College and it was 7-4! To us! EAST GIRLS! Yay!! :) Pretty fun day and I actually played well in my opinion. The ball got passed to me a lot of times and I was actually part of the team (unlike last year when all the good people kept passing to each other.) Plus my teammates aren't really that good either.
After that I had to bus home and I was like nervous as hell! It was like the first time I bused home myself. Without any help, not like my parents could help anyway. Everything now and then it's always me they can never help me and when I do ask them to help they tell me to figure it out myself saying I'm old enough to deal with it and I shouldn't be depending on them...But what they don't know is that most of the time I only depend on myself because I know that there is no one who can help me and understand me other then me and I must admit I have lost my faith in others and that to do something to be best I have to do it myself. They don't know that every problem I face I don't even tell them about it. They think I have no problems when I actually have a lot that i have no idea how to say it aloud. Like at school they may think that my studies are good and all but what they don't know is that I am being bullied a bit for being smart and that I actually have no true friends that I can hang out with. They think that i am perfect and that they make their expectations even higher but they don't know that i am struggling to keep up and I am doing the best i can. That I don't really know how to deal with my own problems and that this is really hard me. They think I AM PERFECT but in reality I'm not. I don't even know why i try so hard to fit in. Maybe it's for [...] ( I'm gonna call that person Lydia, but her name isn't k. And I actually did put her real name on here..xD my bad!Lucky i edited!) or maybe I don't want people to think that I am just a geek or nerd. This is harder then they think. They think i can deal with it but I've been strong for a lot of years already. Yet they still don't know and I don't think I 'll EVER let them find out...
Wow...I was thinking I would keep this slow and paced but it seems once I start telling about my life and problems, I just can't stop... It's ok, I hope you will be there for me....I am soooo tired I just want to let everything go. Never look back at my past and if I do, never to dwell in it...
Thanks again for reading! :)...
x -A
I finished reading this book called "stolen" it's a pretty good book and the ending was amazing! Pretty emotional but if you haven't noticed I am an emotional person.. :)
Tomorrow we have school and I wouldn't say I am really looking forward to it... I still have those...problems with her. I don't know if I can still face her...I feel like I am scared but I don't want to be...I don't want to be scared of her. And I want to prove to her that i can become someone, someone who is kind nice and selfless. I want to become someone who can rub it in her face and tell her she was wrong.
Sorry!!! I was listening to this really sad song while writing that ^. sigh. I really like this song since it does give off this amazing emotional aura and the lyrics are really meaningful and powerful. Really good.
Yesterday I don't think I wrote it in but I had my first netball game (maybe I had) and we WON! YAY!! We were versing Wellington Girls College and it was 7-4! To us! EAST GIRLS! Yay!! :) Pretty fun day and I actually played well in my opinion. The ball got passed to me a lot of times and I was actually part of the team (unlike last year when all the good people kept passing to each other.) Plus my teammates aren't really that good either.
After that I had to bus home and I was like nervous as hell! It was like the first time I bused home myself. Without any help, not like my parents could help anyway. Everything now and then it's always me they can never help me and when I do ask them to help they tell me to figure it out myself saying I'm old enough to deal with it and I shouldn't be depending on them...But what they don't know is that most of the time I only depend on myself because I know that there is no one who can help me and understand me other then me and I must admit I have lost my faith in others and that to do something to be best I have to do it myself. They don't know that every problem I face I don't even tell them about it. They think I have no problems when I actually have a lot that i have no idea how to say it aloud. Like at school they may think that my studies are good and all but what they don't know is that I am being bullied a bit for being smart and that I actually have no true friends that I can hang out with. They think that i am perfect and that they make their expectations even higher but they don't know that i am struggling to keep up and I am doing the best i can. That I don't really know how to deal with my own problems and that this is really hard me. They think I AM PERFECT but in reality I'm not. I don't even know why i try so hard to fit in. Maybe it's for [...] ( I'm gonna call that person Lydia, but her name isn't k. And I actually did put her real name on here..xD my bad!Lucky i edited!) or maybe I don't want people to think that I am just a geek or nerd. This is harder then they think. They think i can deal with it but I've been strong for a lot of years already. Yet they still don't know and I don't think I 'll EVER let them find out...
Wow...I was thinking I would keep this slow and paced but it seems once I start telling about my life and problems, I just can't stop... It's ok, I hope you will be there for me....I am soooo tired I just want to let everything go. Never look back at my past and if I do, never to dwell in it...
Thanks again for reading! :)...
x -A
Friday, 4 May 2012
Saturday 5th May 2012
Hey, Sorry for that sappy post last time.
Anyway, I have a netball game today!!! first one!! too!! Wish me luck.:)
Did you know that last night I had a very strange dream. I can't quite remember it but I know that there were...pirates...a guy....me...and some other people. We were like looking for something, something important i think. The guy and me fell in love I think...or was it that we were dating. Anyway, he tried to hold my hand I wanted to hold his too. I can't remember who it was. When we were looking for that something, I found a hole and I poked it with a stick and then it turned out to be pirates!! Scary then me and him or was it with someone else now ran away. It didn't seem real. I think it was two separate dreams I can't really tell. Strange aye??
I have an overdue library dvd and I need to return it TODAY! but I can't I have netball and I have to top up my snapper card. sigh.
I don't have much to talk about today since it's only morning right now. Sooooo,
Bye! =D
xx -A
Anyway, I have a netball game today!!! first one!! too!! Wish me luck.:)
Did you know that last night I had a very strange dream. I can't quite remember it but I know that there were...pirates...a guy....me...and some other people. We were like looking for something, something important i think. The guy and me fell in love I think...or was it that we were dating. Anyway, he tried to hold my hand I wanted to hold his too. I can't remember who it was. When we were looking for that something, I found a hole and I poked it with a stick and then it turned out to be pirates!! Scary then me and him or was it with someone else now ran away. It didn't seem real. I think it was two separate dreams I can't really tell. Strange aye??
I have an overdue library dvd and I need to return it TODAY! but I can't I have netball and I have to top up my snapper card. sigh.
I don't have much to talk about today since it's only morning right now. Sooooo,
Bye! =D
xx -A
These things-My secrets
...I think I have had enough. I am very tired of all this trying to fit in.I don't know what to do anymore. It's just so hard to try and get everything back to what it was before...without losing something important. I really miss the old days where we would just hang out everyday and shop around with smiles on our faces and even without money we would stay till late in the afternoon before heading back home. Things that we did like take photos of each other and put them on facebook. Share our ice creams together and have fun. Talk about school work and what to wear on the first day of school. I really miss those moments where I felt like breaking apart and you would just say something really stupid and I would be laughing alongside with you. When we were all together in one room, laughing and chatting as the days go past...But now, how did everything happen like this. When I was little I never imagined that in 5 years time I would be so lonely, My best friend she was the lonely one and we would always stick together. But now that 5 years has gone up. We split apart and you find TRUE friends you could talk to about your problems. I also thought I had true friends too, but it turns out they only needed me because I was smart and they only followed me around was because they had no choice.I am finished with all THIS! I am so tired. I don't know who I am now, not after all these things have happened and me constantly trying to change myself. And I see that it's not working, but...who can I be now that I don't know where my true self has gone too?...What happened?My life was so perfect 3 years ago but now...There is no where to go anymore.
I have a netball game now with a team I don't know anymore, no one is what they are and I am now alone again just like 9 years ago. When I first came to New Zealand...
x -A
I have a netball game now with a team I don't know anymore, no one is what they are and I am now alone again just like 9 years ago. When I first came to New Zealand...
x -A
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Thursday 3rd May 2012
Hi again,
Well today, was an ok day and yeah, nothing much happened...oh wait....Does anyone know a singer called ANNA MAC? Because SHE WENT TO OUR SCHOOL FOR A CONCERT THAT'S FREE!!!!! I know right!And her singing was just sooooo amazing! Loved it!
Ok, after school when i was walking home, I hate walking home now...I don't have anyone to walk with. I bumped into her you know that person...well, yeah she was like hi and all but...when i saw her again she was whispering and pointing at me with her friend.They were very loud too. It just makes me feel so sad. So sad that she was so cold to me whenever I talk to her, and when I asked if she wanted to go back to our old school she was like "...I don't know,cuz like we all moved on" and stuff. I couldn't believe it! When we first started school, she was all clingy to me and saying she won't make friends and that she wasn't to go back to our old school but we can't.I just can't believe she changed so fast in 2 terms only...I miss her.
sigh. I have another blog too, but that one is for my science project and all and I REALLY need people to view it so please please do!!!!! :p It's called Mad Cow Disease...THE TRUTH! please view it! Thanks!!
OMG,right now I am saving up for a new bag. I haven't told my parents yet and I don't think they will approve with it as a school bag. So I was just thinking of buying it without telling them and when I DO I will just say how awesome it was to save money for something I really want. Hope it works.
Another thing, ya know that the 40 hr famine is coming right. (end of May) Well, I was thinking of doing the no sleep one, but then i realized that my parents wouldn't let me have no sleep for nearly two days so I was thinking of the no food one, BUT THEN I thought about how they would react. And so Last one was the Technology one and I realized that they would be happy about that one because they always blabber on about me going on the computer too much and all and tht it's bad for my eyes but I just CAN'T go without it so I think it would be a challenge for me and I would like to go hard for the hungry too!!! You should try it, especially if you use your weakness...Not a good sight....
hehe, Ok i think that's all for now and please continue to follow my blog 'the secrets of life' ...MY LIFE
=D x A
Well today, was an ok day and yeah, nothing much happened...oh wait....Does anyone know a singer called ANNA MAC? Because SHE WENT TO OUR SCHOOL FOR A CONCERT THAT'S FREE!!!!! I know right!And her singing was just sooooo amazing! Loved it!
Ok, after school when i was walking home, I hate walking home now...I don't have anyone to walk with. I bumped into her you know that person...well, yeah she was like hi and all but...when i saw her again she was whispering and pointing at me with her friend.They were very loud too. It just makes me feel so sad. So sad that she was so cold to me whenever I talk to her, and when I asked if she wanted to go back to our old school she was like "...I don't know,cuz like we all moved on" and stuff. I couldn't believe it! When we first started school, she was all clingy to me and saying she won't make friends and that she wasn't to go back to our old school but we can't.I just can't believe she changed so fast in 2 terms only...I miss her.
sigh. I have another blog too, but that one is for my science project and all and I REALLY need people to view it so please please do!!!!! :p It's called Mad Cow Disease...THE TRUTH! please view it! Thanks!!
OMG,right now I am saving up for a new bag. I haven't told my parents yet and I don't think they will approve with it as a school bag. So I was just thinking of buying it without telling them and when I DO I will just say how awesome it was to save money for something I really want. Hope it works.
Another thing, ya know that the 40 hr famine is coming right. (end of May) Well, I was thinking of doing the no sleep one, but then i realized that my parents wouldn't let me have no sleep for nearly two days so I was thinking of the no food one, BUT THEN I thought about how they would react. And so Last one was the Technology one and I realized that they would be happy about that one because they always blabber on about me going on the computer too much and all and tht it's bad for my eyes but I just CAN'T go without it so I think it would be a challenge for me and I would like to go hard for the hungry too!!! You should try it, especially if you use your weakness...Not a good sight....
hehe, Ok i think that's all for now and please continue to follow my blog 'the secrets of life' ...MY LIFE
=D x A
Wednesday May 2nd 2012
Hey again!!! :)
It's me and I was just so surprised that there were actually page views! Thanks!
I know I haven't been writing for a while because I am really busy with homework these days and.. I just don't feel like going on.
Anyway the first thing I want to talk about is my friend or friend enemy... yeah well today she was like 'hey A do you wanna come to my form class and hang out with my besties?!?' I didn't know if she as doing it on purpose or anything but I didn't want to because she use to call me BESTIE! and only me! I'm not jealous or anything I don't care what she does with those..people, it's just that i have a feeling that she is mocking me and that she is better then me and has friends or something. It's just...sad. But I guess what's sad is not what they have turned into, but how they use to be like that quote you know...yeah. I miss her so much.But it's like...popularity is eating her out alive... :(
I have this other friend she is a year older then me and she is starting to ignore me..well not ignore me but like she rarely says hi to me at school and all, it's like she doesn't want to meddle with people who is younger then her 1 year in front of her friends. And recently she has just moved to another neighborhood and she lives like 1-2 mins away from her other friends. But like when she is alone with me and another friend she is her usual self. Which I really miss too! Why is everyone changing or moving away?! My best best best friend for like I don't know maybe 8 years has moved to Kaori! and she moved to another school and changed her phone number! We rarely call each other up too...sigh.
Ok ok enough with my stupid and poor social life. I have some news, you know that fitness test called 'the beep test?' well today we did it and I got a 7.2! I am not really proud since I was aiming for a 8 but ti was so sooooo hard! If you tried it you would know how I feel! Especially since I got an 7.5 last year! I am not saying I'm fat, just that...my fitness level has gone down..yeah! :p
Also today we got our test back from English and I must say I was a bit disappointed with my score especially since those...oh I don't know...wannabes got such a higher score then me and that they go out very weekend instead of studying and stuff but I don't blame them I go out on weekends too! :p
But at least I kept my grades up like Maths! I am like the top of the class-ish... hehe um ok! hehe, looks like that's it. My blog! Please kept checking in! :D Thanks,
xx
-A
It's me and I was just so surprised that there were actually page views! Thanks!
I know I haven't been writing for a while because I am really busy with homework these days and.. I just don't feel like going on.
Anyway the first thing I want to talk about is my friend or friend enemy... yeah well today she was like 'hey A do you wanna come to my form class and hang out with my besties?!?' I didn't know if she as doing it on purpose or anything but I didn't want to because she use to call me BESTIE! and only me! I'm not jealous or anything I don't care what she does with those..people, it's just that i have a feeling that she is mocking me and that she is better then me and has friends or something. It's just...sad. But I guess what's sad is not what they have turned into, but how they use to be like that quote you know...yeah. I miss her so much.But it's like...popularity is eating her out alive... :(
I have this other friend she is a year older then me and she is starting to ignore me..well not ignore me but like she rarely says hi to me at school and all, it's like she doesn't want to meddle with people who is younger then her 1 year in front of her friends. And recently she has just moved to another neighborhood and she lives like 1-2 mins away from her other friends. But like when she is alone with me and another friend she is her usual self. Which I really miss too! Why is everyone changing or moving away?! My best best best friend for like I don't know maybe 8 years has moved to Kaori! and she moved to another school and changed her phone number! We rarely call each other up too...sigh.
Ok ok enough with my stupid and poor social life. I have some news, you know that fitness test called 'the beep test?' well today we did it and I got a 7.2! I am not really proud since I was aiming for a 8 but ti was so sooooo hard! If you tried it you would know how I feel! Especially since I got an 7.5 last year! I am not saying I'm fat, just that...my fitness level has gone down..yeah! :p
Also today we got our test back from English and I must say I was a bit disappointed with my score especially since those...oh I don't know...wannabes got such a higher score then me and that they go out very weekend instead of studying and stuff but I don't blame them I go out on weekends too! :p
But at least I kept my grades up like Maths! I am like the top of the class-ish... hehe um ok! hehe, looks like that's it. My blog! Please kept checking in! :D Thanks,
xx
-A
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