HEY!! =D Today is Sunday and I have school tomorrow...not cool! I have this like science test thing on Thursday and I haven't studied at all!!! OH GOD! I hope I can make it with studying though :) I just finished reading this epic cool Manga called Gakuen Alice and when i was finished I was crying...literally. TT_TT The main character really does die! I can't believe it. What would the heroine do when her lover is gone! OMG you should like so read it too!! there are like 163 chapters though. >.> I AM LIKE A MAJOR FAN, BUT NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THIS, since it will ruin my rep at school and I can't let that happen.
I finished reading this book called "stolen" it's a pretty good book and the ending was amazing! Pretty emotional but if you haven't noticed I am an emotional person.. :)
Tomorrow we have school and I wouldn't say I am really looking forward to it... I still have those...problems with her. I don't know if I can still face her...I feel like I am scared but I don't want to be...I don't want to be scared of her. And I want to prove to her that i can become someone, someone who is kind nice and selfless. I want to become someone who can rub it in her face and tell her she was wrong.
Sorry!!! I was listening to this really sad song while writing that ^. sigh. I really like this song since it does give off this amazing emotional aura and the lyrics are really meaningful and powerful. Really good.
Yesterday I don't think I wrote it in but I had my first netball game (maybe I had) and we WON! YAY!! We were versing Wellington Girls College and it was 7-4! To us! EAST GIRLS! Yay!! :) Pretty fun day and I actually played well in my opinion. The ball got passed to me a lot of times and I was actually part of the team (unlike last year when all the good people kept passing to each other.) Plus my teammates aren't really that good either.
After that I had to bus home and I was like nervous as hell! It was like the first time I bused home myself. Without any help, not like my parents could help anyway. Everything now and then it's always me they can never help me and when I do ask them to help they tell me to figure it out myself saying I'm old enough to deal with it and I shouldn't be depending on them...But what they don't know is that most of the time I only depend on myself because I know that there is no one who can help me and understand me other then me and I must admit I have lost my faith in others and that to do something to be best I have to do it myself. They don't know that every problem I face I don't even tell them about it. They think I have no problems when I actually have a lot that i have no idea how to say it aloud. Like at school they may think that my studies are good and all but what they don't know is that I am being bullied a bit for being smart and that I actually have no true friends that I can hang out with. They think that i am perfect and that they make their expectations even higher but they don't know that i am struggling to keep up and I am doing the best i can. That I don't really know how to deal with my own problems and that this is really hard me. They think I AM PERFECT but in reality I'm not. I don't even know why i try so hard to fit in. Maybe it's for [...] ( I'm gonna call that person Lydia, but her name isn't k. And I actually did put her real name on here..xD my bad!Lucky i edited!) or maybe I don't want people to think that I am just a geek or nerd. This is harder then they think. They think i can deal with it but I've been strong for a lot of years already. Yet they still don't know and I don't think I 'll EVER let them find out...
Wow...I was thinking I would keep this slow and paced but it seems once I start telling about my life and problems, I just can't stop... It's ok, I hope you will be there for me....I am soooo tired I just want to let everything go. Never look back at my past and if I do, never to dwell in it...
Thanks again for reading! :)...
x -A
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