Wednesday 16th May 2012

Hi everyone,it's been a while now hasn't it =)

Today at school this woman came in talking to us about attitude-friendship topic basically. She went on about what types of friends there are and what type of friends we should have. The way we should be treating our friends and what a REAL friend would look like...meaning not EVER leaving them out. This presentation made me think a lot of things. It made me think about my relation with Lydia and my other so called 'friends'. There were also times when she talked about how we are treating our friends and what NOT to do. I have made progress I would think. I actually started to treat these people my friends but...The lady also said the key point in making TRUE friends was being yourself and when you are not yourself, you are a...FAKE. I was really interested with what she was saying today. I felt like there were actually people who understand and can help me. ewwww!! That sounds so...cheesy. But she was right, I felt like I wasn't being myself in this new school and I felt like I was doing everything I can just to fit in.She told me fitting in would make you do lot's of crazy things, and I really believe her, at the start of the term I thought the friends  have now, they were dorks and crap, and so I went through my absolute best just to fit in with the populars,the wannabes.I wanted to be popular and happy but fitting in was maybe throughout my whole life the most hardest thing I have ever tried. I realized that my good friends now, they were the ones that are making me happy,they are the ones I would be laughing with in 2 years time probably.I realized that fitting in was not everything, popularity was just a drug, eating you alive.Yet for some reason I still am pretending, I am still not myself and I can feel it. I just can. I want to change, that is why I will do my best this year,I defiantly will!I do get along with everyone in my class though I sometimes still have that aching feeling that i could have done better with friendship but I am someone that does not fit in, someone that doesn't really belong yet tries, because...Why try to fit in when I was born to stand out?

Also Lydia is trying to befriend me again, I wonder if it's because she is pretending and is tired she wants to become someone TRUE again. Maybe just maybe it's true, maybe she is feeling like she needs a break from all the acting. Who knows.

xx A